I need some opinions or advice on my UPenn essay for the College of Arts and Sciences, please let me know if you have any thoughts!
How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania?
Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words)
In third grade, I successfully wrote a letter to my principal, citing the Constitution and Bill of Rights in a feverish effort for reallowance of playing my favorite game with my classmates during recess. In eleventh grade, I jumped on desks like stepping stones in AP US History as the team captain while debating the ideals of Hamilton versus Jefferson, enthusiastically exclaiming the civic duty of Americans. Throughout my life, I have always been argumentative, and using the Freudian defense mechanism of sublimation, I have channeled my passion for a good debate into helping others and fighting for the common interests of my peers. I have known that a heated dispute has always given me an adrenaline rush like no other, and I manage to get my 'fix' in a productive manner, whether it be settling arguments among my friends, being a voice for the quiet, or simply debating in class. My ultimate goal for furthering my education after graduating high school is attending UPenn as a Philosophy, Politics, and Economics major. I know that the skills I have developed academically and through personal experience during the past 17 years of my life can be refined through the teachings during class at UPenn, and life on campus.
As classes became more specialized to fit our interests in high school, I became increasingly interested in classes that deal with history and people. In AP US History, I learned about how past leaders have created laws, policies, and regulations for the benefit of the common man, or against him. In Economics, I saw a similar passion of mine in my normally stoic teacher, who would become alive while exuberantly explaining the steps in creating a business, the laws and regulations of corporations, and the elasticity of demand. I relish attending these classes everyday, learning new and fascinating ways I could further my education in subjects I was passionate about with every class period. By pursuing this major, I can fully delve into my passion and make the most of what the University has to offer through off-campus programs. Penn in Washington caught my eye while I was exploring colleges and discovering ways I could pursue my major in non-traditional ways. For my eighth birthday, I asked to go to Washington D.C. with my family and visit all of the monuments and memorials. I remember standing next to the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool at a young age, enthralled in the history of our nation that most 8 year olds would find boring. The opportunity to be involved the Penn in Washington program, and revisiting the city I yearned to be a part of at such a young age as a student of UPenn would be something that my elementary-school aged self (and current self) would rejoice in.
The University of Pennsylvania aligns perfectly with my dream of a place to further my education after I graduate from high school. I am fully certain that I would be elated to spend a late night studying at the Van Pelt Library, enthused walking into Franklin Field on an autumn night to watch the Quakers play, and nostalgically revering the opportunity to intern for some of the great institutions in our nation's capital. An education at the University of Pennsylvania would be an incredibly strong foundation for my intended future career in law, and a remarkable place to spend the next four years of my life.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Taylor, I do not believe that your response fits the prompt requirements because you are looking back on how you used your time to enhance your academic skills and other interests. The question though is how you will spend your time pursuing your academic and other interests at UPenn as a college student. Therefore, this is a forward thinking essay rather than a reminiscing essay as you have written here. The lacking part? The essay does not show that you are familiar with the university campus in terms of how you can pursue your major, and develop your other skills plus social interests while a student. The response needs to focus on that familiarity, with no aspect of flashback presentations. For example:
As a law student who wishes to focus on constitutional law, UPenn will help to continue my education after school hours because I plan on joining the debate team. Here I will engage in lively constitutional law debates...The Van Pelt Library shall be my second home as I peruse both print and electronic media available in relation to my interest in ...
The essay requires specific settings coming from the UPenn campus and the activities you will be involved in should be related to your major, but during off hours from your regular classes. I am afraid that you will have to do some major research for this essay because your current presentation is irrelevant and extremely weak when referring to the UPenn facilities. This essay is testing your knowledge of the university offerings. The reviewer wants to be sure that you are serious about your application and not just using the school as a back-up university. Unfortunately, the way you wrote this essay makes it sound like you are just positioning this university as such.
