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Change in academics- a responsibility I'm willing to take and conquer.



Priyanka3 6 / 16  
Aug 19, 2010   #1
The question was:

The Admissions Committee expects that you will take advantage of this question to explain any grade on your transcript that is unusually low or varies significantly from your usual performance.

My grades freshman and sophmore year don't represent the person I am now so I'm hoping what I wrote below shows them the change.

Everybody says high school is the era in your life, in which the mistakes you make, the friendships that you gain, help you find who you truly are. When I had first entered my freshman year, my priorities were in making friends, and in enjoying myself, but in the end many of those friends had been distrustful as the enjoyment had deeply affected my academics. Going down the wrong road, I didn't know what the right turn to make was. Consequently, my sophomore year, I had tried harder but not diligently enough to display a change in my morals and values. When the summer had arrived, it occurred to me that I'd be leaving to college in less than two years, and to make my family and friends proud, I would have work with determination, as it is my future in my hands. Looking back at my junior year now, with all those long nights of endless works, and caffeine to keep me awake, it was all worth the work as I had almost gotten straight A's and moved up in classes to challenge myself. For another chance to boost my GPA and to gain the intellectual knowledge for college, I took the opportunity of taking a few AP classes and the greater chance for learning new unknown knowledge. I acknowledge the fact that change is inevitable, but making that change to benefit myself and my future, is a responsibility I'm willing to take and conquer.

Any changes or comments will be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

freezard7734 17 / 144  
Aug 19, 2010   #2
When I had first entered my freshman year, my priorities were in making friends and in enjoying myself, but in the end, many of those friends had been distrustful as, and the enjoyment had deeply affected my academics.

Don't overdo your commas. It can convolute your sentence and sometimes give your sentence a different meaning.

When the summer had arrived, it occurred to me that I'd be leaving tofor college in less than two years, and. T o make my family and friends proud, I would have to work with determination, assinceit is my future is in my hands.

Looking back at my junior yearnow , it was worth the those long nights of endless works and caffeine to keep me awake, it was all worth the work as; I had almost gotten straight A's and moved up in classes to challenge myself.

You seem to have trouble with commas. Remember, if your listing only two things, don't pull out the commas. Only use them when you're listing more than two things. Also, if you're combining two sentences with a conjuction, you need a comma before the "and" or the "but", etc.

I acknowledge the fact that change is inevitable, but making that change to benefit myself and my future is a responsibility I'm willing to take and conquer.


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