Don't overdo your commas.
Right, no commas are necessary here:
Everybody says high school is the era in your life in which the mistakes you make and the friendships
that you gain help you find who you truly are.
Streamline: When I
had first entered my freshman year, my priorities were
in to make friends and
in enjoying enjoy myself, but in the end many ...
Consequently, during my sophomore year (no comma here) I
had tried harder but not diligently enough to display a change in my morals and values. When the summer had arrived, it occurred to me that I'd be leaving to college in less than tw
o years and that to make my family and friends proud (no need for comma) I would have work with determination, as
it is my future would be in my hands. Looking back...
I took the opportunity
of taking to participate in a few AP classes and the greater chance for learning.
new unknown knowledge . I acknowledge the...
:-) Tell about some subjects that caught your interest and motivated you, and tell about your plan for the next five years. Nothing proves your motivation like a vision for the future.