a change which occurred last summer - General Topic Question

Hey guys!

First time posting, so I thought I'd point out that this site is spectacular. The essays posted here have given me many great ideas.

Now onto my question:

For the Princeton supplement essay, you're supposed to write about an experience that changes your outlook on life. I wrote a change which occurred last summer:

Prior to this year, I was always motivated by self interest. In the essay I talk about doing service in order to challenge myself and expand my interests, rather than to be altruistic. I do not mention doing anything just to get into college, but I think it may be implied.

After the summer, I became a more caring person. I started caring about the communities I was involved in, the people around me, and even people who I didn't even know (ie. community and global service).

I talked about my transformation in the essay. Will this be looked at as an honest student growing out of selfish tendencies? Or will it be seen as just another wannabe ivy who does everything just to get into college?

Thanks in advance! Happy holidays.
-Avesh

Hi Avesh,
To answer your question, I would think that it depends on how convincing your recount of the experience is. You mention doing service" over the summer - are you going to write about this volunteer experience, or many experiences?

Slightly amending your words, I am going to quote what has been oft repeated to me: ALL wannabe ivIES DO everything just to get into college, including TRANSFORMATIVE VOLUNTEER WORK. (There is nothing wrong with that!!!)

I was going to write about one specific non-service experience that changed my view of service.

And it's good to hear that there's nothing wrong with being motivated by college admissions. I just hope the adcoms feel the same way. I don't want to be seen as a fake person.

Thanks for your reply, and thank you to whoever changed the title.

-Avesh

Hi Avesh! Thanks for your kind words.

What do you mean by self-interest? thefreedictionary.com/self-interest

And what do you mean by I do not mention doing anything just to get into college, but I think it may be implied.

After the summer, I became a more...

Oh, I think I understand what you mean. Your challenge is to prove that you had a revelation. I help other people because I honestly believe, as a matter of spiritual practice, that the same being is taking form as all these various creatures... so I think I am you, and that is good evidence to support the assertion that I became more interested in helping other people.

So... rather than focusing on how you used to be self-serving and now are not, focus on proving to the reader that you have had a revelation about the importance of selflessness. (i.e. because the self is only a fleeting dream)

Kevin,

Thank you for your help!

Sorry for not fully explaining what I meant when I said, "I do not mention doing anything just to get into college, but I think it may be implied." You know how a lot of high school kids join clubs and commit to service just to get into college? I was essentially one of those for my first three years in high school. After this revelation, I became less interested in just getting into college, and more into just getting involved.

Focusing on the transformation and the "new me" sounds like a great idea! I will just avoid the problem altogether.

Thanks for your help!