Although it is an oxymoron,
While it may seem an*
Iono. I like your way of writing, it's ..i guess different. I feel like changing parts, but much of it is good as is. One thing I did notice was that you mention community service should be mandatory. however, adding the volunteering part confuses the issue a bit. either say that com. serv. should be emphasized more and leave in the volunteering. or take out volunteering and just mention the community service. You're placing com. serv. and volunteering side by side and saying they are the same. yet i don't think they exactly are. you could add that voluntary com. serv. is even better, and shows personal growth/motivation/etc... but iono..i'm having a difficult time connecting them, maybe because I worked with people doing mandatory com. serv because they were on probation (not the same, at all) I do agree with your points though, about com. serv.
teaches* make sure you quote accurately. i think you missed a comma somewhere
how to be apart of a group
Getting all students involved in their community could eliminate gangs, violence, and diversity (racism).
Having all* sounds a bit better, how do u eliminate diversity :? this is a strong statement, maybe nice it down a bit by adding could help eliminate*?
In the Detroit News, April 16, 2005 there was a headline titled "Volunteer Work Opens Teen's Eyes to Nursing." It was about a thirteen-year-old boy named John Prueter who would visit his great-grandmother regularly when she was in the hospital. After she was transferred to Alterra Sterling House, an assisted-living home in Hampton Township, Prueter would also visit the other elderly people too. He helped them with whatever they needed help with and if there were nothing for him to do, he would sit and talk to them.
maybe shorten this news summary to point out the main ideas. just a funny thought: not all of us teenagers have grandmothers in a hospital. you should try to lead away from his example and lead it to more pertinent points for the general public
If more people were to be like John Prueter and volunteered at places,
so here you could replace "at places" with a main point from the summary, something like: and volunteered their time with the community...<sounds better:?>
they might find how much they enjoy the work and it might change their lives too.
use a dash instead of the "and" here, it makes it a stronger sentence.
Being involved in community service activities can change a student's attitude toward situations and life in general. It can make students realize that life is not just about having fun or making money, it is also about making a difference in someone's life and maybe even your own.
sounds somewhat repetitive of the previous sentence. you drag on the life attitude changes for these three sentences :/ true points though
Community service is a very important subject
activity* not subject, yea?
There are many ways students can volunteer in their community, whether it is helping with the elderly, reading to children, or volunteering at a pet shelter.
here it sounds somewhat extended of your previous paragraphs somewhere up there. and your last sentence, is also repeat :/
some ideas for a stronger, more synthesized conclusion would be to talk about the generalities of com. serv. and say that in light of these benefits of such activities, schools should make this worthwhile opportunity a mandatory one. Here you can mention the oxymoron statement and make a concluding statement of how com. serv could be voluntary, but the positive results outweigh the negative impacts, if any. Moreover, etc...you could keep going.
great ideas. as for the synthesis prompt, I think you cover only one aspect of this issue :? you don't exactly synthesize two ideas. or maybe you did. im not sure. :/ synthesis usually means a pro and a con and then a resulting better solution/compromise. maybe you could add in a little something about how while com. serv. should be voluntary, it should be made mandatory. you say something like this, but make it clear. the major portion of the essay would be the synthesis I guess. I liked reading through this. maybe I'll go out and do something. hope your teacher likes your paper.