Two of the colleges I'm applying to have essay requirements, one is:
A brief personal statement helps us get to know you in a different way. In 250 words or fewer, please tell us about a significant experience you've had, an accomplishment or risk you have taken, a person who has made a difference in your life, a topic of concern to you, or anything else you think would help us learn more about you. You can choose to submit a graded paper or write something new! The other essay is limitless.
Seventeen years later and I have finally recognized the significant impact my mother has had on my life. If it weren't for her, I would not be the woman I am today. Ever since I was a child, I witnessed my mother taking part in every community service opportunity she came across, donating her time and effort to charities, and the community. She managed to do all that, and never slacked off when keeping our household together, even when her health was working against her.
In April of 2013, she entered the operating room for a typical thyroidectomy. When she came out of the operating room, and the surgeon had told us everything went perfectly smooth, it was a big sigh of relief. A couple days later, we went to a routine post-op checkup. Everything seemed to be going excellent, up until the doctor had diagnosed her with Stage II Thyroid Cancer. We were completely in shock. Throughout all this, she still managed to stay a positive active member of society. She would always tell us "it could be worse." Her positive outlook on life seemed to be contagious.
She's the reason I became so involved in clubs, and community service as soon as I could. Not because I was forced too, but because I saw the joy it gave her, even when the unexpected had happened. I yearned for that type of joy. The joy you get when you give other individuals joy.
Throughout my high school years, I have been involved in numerous clubs, and participated in many community service opportunities. As a freshman, I was part of Key Club, and The Do Something Club. I was able to take part of many opportunities with these clubs, such as going to a homeless shelter. Which helped me become so thankful for everything I have, I reflect on this experience every time I am faced with a struggle. I also continued to tutor elementary students at my former school. As a sophomore, I continued to tutor middle school students, while participating with the Do Something Club for a second year, and the Arab Student Union.
When I became a junior I realized I haven't been challenging myself enough. I decided to enroll in AP classes, take a college class, and become more involved in my community. I am an active member with the Chemistry club, the secretary of the Physics Club, treasurer for the Medical Society, an active Environmental Club member, and a volunteer at the National Arab American Museum. Luckily, the presidential election was at the same time I was taking my AP government class. I learned how our government works, and how important each individual is the election. So I went out and participated in canvasing, and phone banks for the presidential election. I was also given a wonderful opportunity to work with the Civil Rights Department and select students, to educate youth on civil rights leadership. This was a yearlong program that I am so grateful to have taken part of, because being an Arab American Muslim girl in this nation is challenging. I am constantly being judged and treated differently than others, my public actions influence how my whole religion is viewed. Therefore, I must always be on my best behavior to show the positive image of my religion and culture. Thanks to the civil rights department I realized that other races are dealing with this daily too. Working together with other individuals who deal with issues similar to mine helped me grow as an individual. I was also given a youth leadership award. My junior year was one of my most active years; I will make the rest of my years just like that one. I have learned many valuable lessons from my community service. Which my mother had got me into.
I have just began my journey as a senior, and plan to make it as rewarding as my other years. I plan to take the honorable habits my mother gave me everywhere I go, for as long as I live. I want to give back to the community that I have lived in my whole life. My father is not very supportive of me getting an education, as it is a tradition for girls to become housewives in my culture, but my mother was not given the opportunity to get the education that I have, therefore she stresses it's importance. I will be the first one in my family to go off to college. They say personality is not an inherited trait, but I seem to poses all of my mother's honorable qualities.
At first, I said to myself, "Oh no! Not another essay about how a parent has had a significant impact on their child. -Very Original." However, you do have an original twist hidden in here. This blurb should be the major focal point of your essay ---"My father is not very supportive of me getting an education, as it is a tradition for girls to become housewives in my culture, but my mother was not given the opportunity to get the education that I have, therefore she stresses it's importance. I will be the first one in my family to go off to college." Yes you can talk about how strong your mother is, but talking about how your mom has really stressed the importance of education despite it NOT being culturally praised would be a far stronger angle to attack this essay. As it is now, you are just trying to highlight your extra curricular activities and other aspects of your application that have their own place. This essay is not the place to do that.
Admissions Advice Online
Hope this helps
