Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


"Chapters of my life-Why I want to be what I want to be"- Commonapp topic of choice


rajeeb423 2 / 4  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
hey here is my essay for Commonapp topic of your choice. Improvements/Suggestions are welcome. Please don't hesitate to be brutal.

Chapters of my life-Why I want to be what I want to be
Chapter I
I was at Nirbendra's place and throughout the day we were busy arranging stuffs for his "Bartabanda" the day after. It was a special occasion as this ceremony basically marks a man's growth from a boy in our culture. Although tired with all the chores, at night we were out in the cold. "One more thing to do before going to bed," I thought.

We were about to try his new telescope. He had mentioned that we could see craters on the moon with it. I could not have been more excited. Exploring the cosmos has always been my interest and even though I had already seen what I was about to watch several times over the television and the internet, that moment was very significant for me. I was getting a first-hand experience of what I always dreamt of doing.

"Here take a look," he called me. I took his place, closed my right eye and looked through the lens with my left eye. "Isn't it cool!?!" he asked. I could sense excitement in his voice.

I was dumbfounded at the sight. There in the small circle of the lens was the moon; shining with sun's reflected light, beautiful with craters on its surface like the sand on a beach dispersed by people walking all over making cradle of various shapes. "It is beautiful," I exclaimed, completely engaged at the view. I just kept looking. It must have been more than five minutes before I realized that the moon was moving out of the frame! I was definitely going to use it many, many more times.

Chapter II
During the second week of December in grade ten, I heard news that left me completely impatient and thrilled. The History Channel was airing a new program from December 12-'The Universe'-a special series exploring the vast space. I felt as though I had just won a mega lottery. I could not wait for the day, only a small problem: I had no cable operator installed in my house.

Since the show was a late night one, staying over a friend's house and disturbing everyone's sleep was not a good idea. It was a real let-down. But this was too important for me to miss, at least not the premier episode. So at any rate, I somehow had to get The History Channel on my television. Luckily, I got my way in. My television aerial picked up weak, leaked signals of some channels. The History Channel was one of them. I only needed to improve the signal as it was clear enough and the narration and voice was audible.

I found that if another aerial was hung outside the room, connected to the television aerial and both of them were aligned in a certain way, the picture and the voices became clearer. So, I started working on it. That day, December 12, as soon as I came back from school, I joined the two aerials by wire and started working on the position for my picture and sound. My work paid off! Although it was not crystal clear, I could sure make out where the ball was in a soccer match and understand the commentary. Ah! The sweet taste of victory! I was so excited to watch the show that I even watched the series before it (was about World War II). Finally it started and as a bonus for its premier, it was going to be a two hours special! Cool!! Now that I did not have to miss the show, I hoped every single episode was a two hours special!

Chapter III
I engaged myself tutoring Science and Math for students of grade 7, 8, and 9 in a nearby school after grade 12. It was a great experience and also a fun way to learn more and pass my time. I taught them how to answer academic questions, remember formulae and use them; they in turn helped me develop patience, and gain an overview of what a teacher's life is like.

One afternoon I was sitting, listening to songs, patiently waiting for their usual classes to be over and my classes to start. At that very moment one of the student, who had not taken tuition classes, came to me.

"Excuse me sir, you tutor science right?" he asked me.

"Yes, I do," I replied.

"I study in grade nine and I had a question in my mind and so wanted to ask you," he said.

I guessed it was a question related to Chemistry. The students I tutored had asked me to focus specially on Chemistry for Science. "We understand Physics and Biology but Chemistry really gives us nightmares," they had said.

"Go ahead," I gave him the permission.

"Sir, do you know what Red Shift is? Could you please explain it to me?" He asked.

I was genuinely shocked to hear this question. He had asked a question which was not only way out of his course but also about something that even most of the grade 12 students do not know the answer to. He was asking a question out of pure interest and curiosity. I gladly answered his question that it was a phenomenon when certain object is moving away from the Earth, the light waves from this object seems to stretch out causing to appear redder. It was helpful in calculating the acceleration with which objects are moving further away from Earth. He left satisfied and happy with the answer. As for me, I felt proud to share my knowledge with a budding young person so he could pursue his interest. The satisfaction in his eyes made me feel that I took one step closer to all those big names in Astronomy that I always aimed to be like.

Chapter IV
Now the time has come for me to take one more step into my interest, my passion. Internet Explorer>Collegeboard.com>CollegeMatchMaker>Majors: Astronomy, Astrophysics.

Please say what do you feel about it. Is it interesting??? And is it too long??? Thanks in advance!!:)
kagayaku 1 / 5  
Dec 29, 2010   #2
Too long! You have to think short, short, short for the common app. Arranging stuffs should be changed to stuff. Cut out any details and quotes that aren't very important.

Chapter 2 " in grade ten" to "in 10th grade"
OP rajeeb423 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2010   #3
I know it's long...could you help me shorten it?? My mind is not working now...How about content?? Is it interesting???And please suggest more snappy title if you can think one.
junk 1 / 4  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
hey rajeeb,
great story ;
although its 1001 character long it looks long :D
Try making it compact
make good connections of the chapters so they have a smooth impressions.
I too know about red shift.... ha ha
Try excluding the inessentials
Best of Luck


Home / Undergraduate / "Chapters of my life-Why I want to be what I want to be"- Commonapp topic of choice
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳