Dawn in the midnight
The shrill cry turned into fitful sobbing.
The young woman scrunched down at the corner, shivering, holding herself tight. A couple sat on the bench, despaired, surrounded by many people who were trying to comfort them.
Not far away from them, I stood quietly with my friends-also Qi's.
With a heavy sound, the door opened, and two men rolled out the same bed they had just brought in. It was an instant of dead silence before the young woman-Qi's sister-jumped up and rushed towards the bed, screaming. We followed her closely to ensure she would not do anything insane, but she suddenly froze with her face as pale as ashes. At the first sight of the ashes and a few bones on the bed, where minutes ago Qi was lying, horror spread all over us.
I was too shocked to make a sound. My mind became chaotic, but I finally realized that Qi, my good friend, had left me forever. A 21-year-old young man had withered away. He had not even lived his own life yet. He chose the university and the major only for the satisfaction of his parents. Only when we were working together as volunteers, he enjoyed his own life. Life is so fragile. The life of a healthy and energetic young man could be easily ended by an accident in a blink of eyes. He did not even have the chance to realize his dream.
Could not stand the gloomy sorrow anymore, I rushed out into the sunlight and gradually calmed down in fresh air. Mr. Keating* 's words suddenly came to my mind, "Carpe Diem, to seize the day, because we are all food for warms." I started to question myself, "Have I ever lived my own life if I were dying the next moment." Trying to find out the answer, I started to rummage the sealed memories deep in my mind.
I used to be a typical Chinese kid-study hard, go through many extracurricular training courses, do everything I could in my free time to make myself more competitive among peers-until 2002 when I was 9 years old, I went to London with my family. Life in London was full of hardships and predicaments, but thanks to them, I managed to grow into an independent person. I did not know what to do with too much idle time at first, but then I realized that I should have absolute control over my own time and my own life. So I joined into the choir, took part in the basketball club, and became a member of the downtown library all out of my own interests. With music, sports and books, my life became meaningful. From that year, I started to count my mental age.
Upon the knocking on my head, I drew back to reality. My friends already came out. One of them was looking at my face curiously. "What are you doing? Daydreaming?" He said, jokingly. I smiled," You know what, I've been living for eight years." But, there must be something wrong, what was that feeling of uncertainty?
My Friend said something, but I ignored, because my mind was running fast, trying to figure out the problem.
Without doubt, that was the year I managed to shake off the family shackles. I practiced basketball and singing skills constantly, went to the library twice a week, and later, established the Philharmonic Society and organized some parties and meetings... Wait a moment, why did I do those things?
Because they are interesting to me! But many other people were also interested in these activities, so why am I the one who founded the society? Why am I the one who came out with ideas?
I do not know for sure. Maybe I... Just stop making conjectures. Maybe I haven't started to live my own life at all, because I still don't know what I really want for sure!
No, no, I must have my own principle and faith in my undertakings. Remember the time when I signed up for the speech competition? I did not even have the courage to raise my hand in class before the speech competition. So what encouraged me to take part in the competition? It was my desire to become better. Because I clearly understood that if I kept being timid, I would never be able to go beyond myself and become what I want to be. Yes! That's it! That's what I was, am and will be living for: going beyond myself!
I read books to become more knowledgeable and I will keep doing so to go beyond myself. Similarly, I kept practicing my basketball skills under the tutor's guidance and managed to make a progress that was admired by many others. The taste of joy urged me to go beyond myself further. That makes sense! So I joined into the Beijing Volunteer Federation because I wanted to make my contribution to the society and improve my communication skills through interacting with various people at the same time!
For the purpose of self-improvement-I make out everything clearly and definitely. I felt so excited and satisfied to have found my faith.
I went back to the Funeral Home, with a smile on my face. I looked up at the blue and broad sky, discovering a piece of cloud in the shape of a grin." Thanks, Qi." I murmured, "You revealed the purpose and meaning of my life. I will keep improving myself and create my own life. And you, my dearest friend, shall be forever living in my heart.
*Mr. Keating: Main character in the Dead Poet Society.