The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.
There is a popular joke in China that the word "CHINA" is the abbreviation of "Cheap House Is Not Available". Growing up in Hangzhou, a city that has the highest average property price in China, I began to have an interest in real estate and paid close attention to the housing price. I witnessed the housing price surging in my hometown through last several years. When I was 8 (Year 2001), my father purchased an apartment in the downtown area with a price of $58 per square feet. Today, the apartments in the same district have a market price at $531 per square feet, almost 9 times of the price ten years ago. This year, however, for the first time the average property prices in Hangzhou and other Chinese cities saw a consecutive monthly decline. Seeing the housing price increasing exponentially, this intrigued my curiosity to explore all the other influencing factors that are driving this price surge in real estate other than just the supply vs. demand. What are the primary driving factors that contributed to the sharp increase in housing price, especially in the last 4 years? Why the average housing price in Hangzhou ($357 per square feet) is significantly higher than that in many American mega cities such as Chicago ($150 per square feet) and Los Angeles ($256 per Sqft), while the average income per capita in Hangzhou is much lower than the average income in cities like Chicago or Los Angeles? What is the economical and financial impact to the real estate market as the government is making effort to deflate the property bubble? To figure out these problems, I need a professional insight and much more knowledge about economics and business. So I want to major in real estate.
In my future academic life, I would like to mix and apply my international perspective to study real estate and diverse knowledge on business. Also, my dream career is working in developing real estate or value and invest in real estate, which requires professional skills as well as comprehensive business knowledge, like accounting, finance and marketing. As one of the most prestigious business schools, McCombs excels at all of its programs, which would allow me to explore multiple business areas. In particular, McCombs has the one of the best real estate programs in the country, which my current school is lacking in this area.
Besides the strong academics, all the other aspects of University of Texas-Austin are attracting me to want to be part of the school. Unlike other international students I want to devote myself to McCombs business school not just for a higher GPA, but also positively influence the campus with my personality. First, I love people, I feel comfortable interacting with people from all parts of the world. I hope my future job will allow me to meet and communicate with people, rather than studying in a small office or laboratory like a professional nerd. Thus, I see the value for me to be in Business. Also, leadership is what I always strive to cultivate, because I understand leading a diverse group of people can be very challenging but also very rewarding for companies if proper skills are applied. Now I am in the leadership Institute Program, from which I learn and develop my leadership skills, which can be applied to my campus social life. From what I know University of Texas-Austin's campus is enriched by students' activities and cultural events. Therefore I would like to enhance the diversity experiences of students on campus, and use my understandings from another culture to help increase the cultural awareness for students on campus.
I wrote some corrections in red , suggestions in blue , and comments in green .
There is a popular joke in China that the word "CHINA" is the abbreviation of "Cheap House Is Not Available". Growing up in Hangzhou, a city that has the highest average property price in China, I began to have an interest in real estate and paid close attention to the housing price. I witnessed the housing price surging in my hometown through last several years. When I was 8 (Year 2001), my father purchased an apartment in the downtown area with a price of $58 per square foot . Today, the apartments in the same district have a market price at $531 per square foot , almost 9 times of the price ten years ago. This year, however, for the first time the average property prices in Hangzhou and other Chinese cities saw a consecutive monthly decline. Seeing the housing price increasing exponentially, this intrigued my curiosity to explore all the other influencing factors that are driving this price surge in real estate other than just the supply vs. demand. What are the primary driving factors that contributed to the sharp increase in housing price, especially in the last 4 years? Why the average housing price in Hangzhou ($357 per square foot ) is significantly higher than that in many American mega cities such as Chicago ($150 per square foot ) and Los Angeles ($256 per square foot ), while the average income per capita in Hangzhou is much lower than the average income in cities like Chicago or Los Angeles? What is the economical and financial impact to the real estate market as the government is making effort to deflate the property bubble? To figure out these problems, I need a professional insight and much more knowledge about economics and business. This is why I want to major in real estate.
In my future academic life, I would like to mix and apply my international perspective to study real estate and diverse knowledge in business. Also, my dream career is working in developing real estate or value and invest in it , which requires professional skills as well as comprehensive business knowledge, like accounting, finance, and marketing. As one of the most prestigious business schools, McCombs excels at all of its programs, which would allow me to explore multiple business areas. In particular, McCombs has the one of the best real estate programs in the country, which my current school is lacking in this area.I wouldn't write about the ranking of the school. The already know they are one of the best. I would focus on specific reasons (i.e. a specific subject you can't find somewhere else). You can keep the lacking part.
Besides the strong academics, all the other aspects of University of Texas-Austin are attracting me to want to be part of the school. Unlike other international students I want to devote myself to McCombs business school not just for a higher GPA, but also positively influence the campus with my personality. First, I love people, and I feel comfortable interacting with people from all over the world. I hope my future job will allow me to meet and communicate with people, rather than studying in a small office or laboratory like a professional nerd.(I wouldn't use this. It can be a bit controversial, as some of the people in the admissions committee might be, in fact, nerds) Thus, I see the value for me to be in Business. Second , leadership is what I always strive to cultivate, because I understand leading a diverse group of people can be very challenging but also very rewarding for companies if proper skills are applied. Now I am in the Leadership Institute Program, from which I learned and developed(unless you are still doing it, then it would be "am learning and developing") my leadership skills, which can be applied to my campus social life. From what I know University of Texas-Austin's campus is enriched by students' activities and cultural events. Therefore I would like to enhance the diversity experiences of students on campus, and use my understanding of another culture to help increase the cultural awareness for students on campus.
Hope it helps!
Thankyou so much!
I changed and added something in my essay according to your advice. Now I have another question. Since you mentioned about the "specific subjuct" in the end of my second paragraph, can I add the following words after "which my current school is lacking in this area"?
The Financial Analyst Program McCombs offers is so unique that excites me a lot. I really want to experience as a analyst in my undergraduate period so that my future resume will be much weighted, and I believe the experience will push me to learn something useful in practice, which benefits my future career. In addition, the city Austin attracts me as its steadily prospering. Out of interest, I learnt that Austin is listed among top 5 real estate markets from the Real Estate report from PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP and the Urban Land Institute. Thus, studying the real estate in such an environment can be a good start for my future career.
Also, if I have to delete something, do you think I should delete some quetions I asked in the first paragarph?
That new paragraph looks promising!
The Financial Analyst Program McCombs offers is so unique that excites me a lot. I really want to gain experience as a analyst during my undergraduate period so that my future resume will be much weighted, and I believe the experience will push me to learn something useful in practice, which will certainly benefit my career. In addition, the city Austin attracts me as its steadily prospering. Out of interest, I learnt that Austin is listed among top 5 real estate markets from the Real Estate report from PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP and the Urban Land Institute. Thus, studying the real estate in such an environment can be a good start for my future career.
If you want to get rid of some info, you can delete some of the specific info about Real Estate, and just compare your hometown with big american cities in a larger scale. I feel this paragraph is taking the place of some really valuable information about yourself.
Good luck!
