2 short essays: Why Chicago & My favourite film.

Here are two short essays for U Chi. Please help me review them. Thanks!

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

When I looked at the viewbook of Chicago for the first time, I saw the solemn buildings like Gothic castle. The carved patterns were just like winkles on an old philosopher's face. I was immediately filled with deep esteem to this shrine of knowledge and meditation. When I looked at it for the second time, still that building, this time I saw the vive trees and ivies surrounding it under golden sunlight. I was excited about this life and vitality. If the buildings are mind, the trees will be life, the life of mind. In my eyes, this is the perfect combination of thought and vigor.

I was always reflecting about myself when I applied for colleges. It gave me a chance to reflect on everything I have done and quest its meaning. Everything happens is something I should think about. I am also a boy who loves exploring. Even if ahead of me is an unknown destination, I will follow my heart, try with all my energy till exhaustion, just as the booming life in Chicago campus. I hope to walk into the ivory tower, then out of the ivory tower, and then brave to my dream.

Question 2. Would you please tell us about a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, magazines, or newspapers? Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.

My favorite film is The Patriots. In this film, there is a picture that is deeply engraved in my mind: As American militias fled under the attack of British army, Captain Martin held a flag and marched forward. The Stars and Stripes was tattered. There were holes of bullets and blood of soldiers on it. However, its red color brightened under the golden sunlight, and soldiers were held back by Martin and fought again... I am not American, but I am still deeply moved. Had American people, who live in the world's strongest country, ever thought that their national flag had been on the verge of breaking?

Watching The Patriots, I was always thinking: what kind of life can be an ideal one? When I was talking about our career plans with my friends, someone told me: study finance! You can earn $100000 a year! Someone told me: study business! You can have mansions and fabulous cars. When more and more people dream about luxurious life, I ask myself: Are they that important?

Perhaps, Martin is not a famous person. His name will not be written into history textbook like General Washington. However, when he saw the rosy down of hope in the sky, when he saw the people he shed his blood for constructing the new world, and when he saw, if possible, the country he devoted his life to is going to be a rising land of freedom in the world, what will he feel then? In my eyes, those who can smile with satisfaction when reviewing their life courses are richer than any millionaire. I watched the Patriots for many times, but each time I still could not stop my tears when I see the house that is being built, the flourishing life in the field, and the booming future of the new world before Captain Martin. I love those creators, because they have left endless hopes and possibilities for the world.

Perhaps I do not have the noble spirit like those patriots, but I still believe that there is something beyond blonde, Ferrari and a mansion. No matter what life cause I am going, I will always revive this movie when I am numb and lost in material reality. I believe that a man who can live his life like Captain Martin is the happiest one in this world.

Here are my worries:
First, my first essay is based totally on an impression of this university. I talked about its value and vitality, which might be sort of vague. Do I need to be more specific, talk about my career plan, or intended major? I am writing in this way because I am not applying because of its good curiculum or major, but because I simply like the school, like its style.

Second, I am afraid my second essay is too long...But I am really passionate about the topic and feel hard to reduce the words into two paragraphs...How should I revise this?

Welcome any suggestions and critiques! I really appreciate your help!

all this tells nothing about why chicago

if you really want to incorporate this in the essay, then you need to start with: Uchicago conforms to my adventurous personality because blabla


is that a particular thing to chicago? is it heart of darkness? if it doesn't have to with chicago, then don't put it.

this essay doesn't tell much about your understanding of the school, except perhaps in the first paragraph. why is uchicago different than MIT or duke or other top schools? all of these have nice campuses and great communities, but they're not all the same if you dig deeper, and that's what you need to do

btw, your question 2 needs to be 2 paragraphs (i think...the instructions that apply to question 1 should apply to question 2 right? well that's what i did so...)

and it's a bit long, the 2nd question is also a short answer, and an optional one.


i made the same mistake as you at first, until my college counselor pointed out very wisely that a few means at least 3 things, so that's what i did

o, yea, your worries about the specific is DEFINITELY right. you need to LIST particular things at chicago that you're interested in

lol pretty much i covered the same things you worried about. hope that helps

winkles Wrinkles

I was immediately filled with deep reverence by this shrine of...

If the buildings are mind, the trees will be life, the life of mind. --- Wow, how can I help you improve your writing when you already write so well?!


You know, I believe you should at least talk about an intended major briefly. Show that you are excited about their specific programs. You don't have to change the whole feeling of the essay. This is a good sentence to use: I am writing in this way because I am not applying because of its good curriculum or major, but because I simply like the school -- its style.

The Patriots No s, and use italics: The Patriot

Thanks for your comment! I revised the Y Chicago according to your suggestion. I still didn't talk about the "major" because I wanted to focus on the school's style. This time, I talked more about myself and my relationship with the school:

To be honest, I applied to Chicago because of the unconventional essay question. Everybody says it's the toughest one, but my first reaction is not going for an easy topic, but welcoming and thinking about it. I am a boy who always wants to think a bit more about everything. The prompt is tough, but challenging myself and touching something I seldom think about is really a pleasant game of brain. Through the question, I can feel the thoughtful air and exploring mind of Chicago, which are what I love all the time.

When I looked at the viewbook of Chicago for the first time, I saw the solemn buildings like Gothic castle. The carved patterns were just like wrinkles on an old philosopher's face. I was immediately filled with deep reverence by this shrine of knowledge and meditation. Later, still that building, I saw the vive trees and ivies surrounding it under golden sunlight. If the buildings are mind, the trees will be life, the life of mind. That is a perfect combination of thought and vigor. Here, I will get unique experiences seemingly conflicting yet harmoniously mixed: an exploring scholar, and a scholarly explorer.

Please help me. Thanks!~!~!~

yea, no need to talk about major. I didn't and i still got in :D

i think your y chicago essay covers your mentality, but the first and second paragraph doesn't link explicitly until the last sentence (pretty clever :D). Not that they need to link, it would be better in my humble opinion.

Good luck!

You are right!~ I feel so too when i write the two paragraghs. I will try to express more about the style of school and style of myself through the essay questions in order to link it naturally with the second paragragh, thus forming a better general impression.

Thanks~~~~~~