Let me know if it's too personal for a college essay. Please give feedback.
This is a story about how one film made me come to a realization that changed the course of my
life for the better.
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powerful storytelling
Wolf Children's exposition played out like the pastel love story that my mother used to tell on the days she wore her rose-colored glasses. Both my mother's story and Hana's were interrupted by a tragic event: They were separated from their lovers and were left with the responsibility of raising children on their own. I had thought that my parents' divorce was inconsequential; it simply left me without a father figure, whom I had already had a number of negative experiences with. But there was no mistaking the eerie lack of nostalgia I felt when watching how beautifully Hana treated her children following the death of her significant other. I could never have imagined how a single movie could so drastically change my worldview.
On the day I first watched this movie, I felt a deep and inexplicable sense of guilt that wouldn't go away. I rationalized it as the result of the incredible stresses I thought I placed on my mother. I thought that perhaps I had done something to cause my mother to have an even tougher time raising me. For some reason, upon revisiting the film for the fourth time, I learned of the true cause of my distress. As I came to this realization, it felt like I just found out about a long lost twin with whom I was separated from at birth. Wolf Children acted as a set of records of the life I never had. The life I could have led without the souring of my experiences following my parents' divorce. Hana's relationship with her children was the opposite of the one I had with my mother. Her encouragement that allowed her children become whoever they wanted was my overwhelming pressure to take up a career that would make me as much money as possible. Hana's willingness to let her children become adults was my mother's inability to let me do anything without permission. Hana's loving protection from harm was my mother's looming acme anvil.
From that point onward, the blindfold had come off and the scars reared their ugly heads. Life began to discolor and soon, my ambitions infected my thoughts like a thousand irritating fleas leeching off my skin. I had been going through the motions of life without stopping to think for myself, and now that I knew the truth, it was all the more difficult to keep afloat. So I left. I left the top science school in the country for an average one. I could no longer compete in a dog-eat-dog school where test scores mattered above all else. I may have had less of a challenge at the new school but I finally had time to pursue what truly mattered to me: Friendship and art. Leaving that school went against everything I was taught, but doing so has kept me alive.
Since then, my awareness of my unusual childhood has informed all of my decisions. I took my revelation as a sign that I need to work harder if I want a bright future. I will not fall prey to self-pity. Rather, I will be strong and determined to find myself despite my beginnings--just as Hana's children were.
Wolf Children gave the chance to move on from what would have otherwise kept holding me back. Without this movie I would have never had the courage to follow my dreams and become independent. My experience demonstrates that storytelling can be so powerful, often in the ways we least expect. I hope to impact others' lives in a similar way with my own stories.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Anon, you wrote this essay based upon the assumption that the reviewer will have already seen the movie "Wolf Children", you have taken too much for granted in this instance as this is not a mainstream movie straight out of Hollywood. If he hasn't seen the movie, then your realization will be lost on him. He will not understand the significance of the movie to your life and sadly, he won't have the time nor inclination to look for the movie in any media format just so he can watch it in the hopes of understanding your essay. Isn't there a more common way of presenting your essay? Or perhaps a more convenient movie that you can use for the essay? If there is a strong chance the reviewer will not be familiar with something you want to discuss, it is best to always opt for a more popular or easier to source reference for it.
With regards to the discussion you presented, it is not too personal. In fact, it lacks a clear backgrounder that would allow the reviewer to understand the significance of the movie to your life. The references that you made are so vague that it is obvious you are still holding back some things and not allowing the reviewer to really get to know you through this essay. There is still a wall that is up in the essay that prevents it from shining as a response paper.
You need to find a central theme or focus for this paper. Either it is about your mother's relationship with your father and you or, it is all about your quest for academic excellence. Don't confuse the reviewer by presenting too many topics. Just pick the one that you want him to remember the most and retain or develop that discussion some more in the essay.
@Holt
Ah, that makes so much sense. Thank you for your thorough feedback. No wonder I got such a deadpan response from those who I showed it to, haha. Looks like I have a lot of drafting to do.
This essay should fit he prompt - Creative work/art/fictional character that has had an influence on you. In my honest opinion, you shoul pick a character that you have something in common or you like and base your essay on that one character. You don't want your essay to be all over the place by writing about the whole film. Depth is by far better than length, be deep about that on character than spreading your whole essay on the whole film and having little or no to write. You are writing an essay, not a movie review.
