(Choosing what to be when growing up) - from colombia to texas UT transfer

hi everyone!!!

im trying to write my SOP essay for UT at austin
but im having problems with it!!

this is what i've done so far!!
please i need help my deadline is october 1!

my essay
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Choosing what to be when growing up is a challenging decision, but sometimes we born with our passions very clear.

When I was a small girl I used to spend a lot of time wondering if I could create a way to get up in the sky and reach the moon, the stars or just fly like a bird. Since then, I have discovered my passion for the aerospace engineering.

Maria,

You should really talk about how your passion developed and what steps you have taken so far to realize your goal of being an aerospace engineer. If you have taken pre engineering courses in High School, such as calculus, then that's all you need to form the base of your essay. For inspiration one of the sample essays on our website talks about a student who had a burning passion to become a pilot. -admissions essay advice

thank u sooo muuuuch for your help!!!

i added new thing but it doesnt really convince me!
would you mn checking it?
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Choosing what you want to be when growing up is a very challenging decision, but sometimes we born with our passions very clear.
When I was a small girl I used to spend a lot of time wondering if I could create a way to get up in the sky and reach the moon and the stars or just fly like a bird. Since then, I have discovered my passion for the aerospace engineering. This field has completely caught my attention up.

I come from a father who is a pilot and I think he is the one who has transmitted me the passion for airplanes and has given me the opportunity to learn about them. When I was on 5th grade I got the opportunity to assist to a space camp on the Kennedy space center located at Cabo Cańaveral, Fl. This experience showed me how people could get enrolled with space shuttles and rockets; truly this changed my life and from this moment I confirmed my passion and convinced myself that all I wanted to be in life was an aerospace engineer.

During high school I took the toughest classes available. calculus and science always held my attention because I was able to think critically with a logical order. In my physics class, I enjoy taking a calculus concept and applying it to the everyday world.

All my life I have lived in Colombia, a country where the development of the aerospace industry is very small, even though I was able to find a well-qualified university which offers an undergraduate aeronautical engineering program.

I was accepted at Universidad Pontificia Bolivariana to start on January 2010, and as soon as I started my studies...

Choosing what you want to be when growing up is a very challenging decision, but sometimes we are born with our passions very clear.

Since then, I have discovered my passion for the aerospace engineering.

This field has completely caught my attention up .

I come from a father who is a pilot and I think he is the one who has transmitted to me the passion for airplanes and has given me the opportunity to learn about them.

When I was in 5th grade I got the opportunity to assist at a space camp at the Kennedy space center located at Cape Cańaveral, Fl.

C alculus and science always held my attention because I was able to think critically in a logical order.

I was accepted at Universidad Pontificia Bolivariana to start on January 2010, and as soon as I started my studies...

This is coming along nicely! When you are finished, send it back through, and we'll have another look. Good luck with it!

:)