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it chose me, I hated the fact that there are many new diseases, and I'm here sitting doing nothing



SHAIMA_A7MD 1 / 5  
Jan 4, 2015   #1

It chose me



It felt like an electrical shot that travelled through my veins, and sent a signal to my CNS (Central Nervous System).Then suddenly her body stopped functioning, and my heart started breaking. It seemed like that the pain was penetrating me as if I'm diagnosed with the disease. Whenever I'm alone I feel trapped by her unstoppable progress of the disease, she inspired me to learn about all kinds of diseases, especially Multiple Sclerosis.

I don't know what it is, but I find people that are diagnosed with complex diseases motivates me. It feels like I need to find a remedy right away. I want to build faith and hope in people's lifes. My family think that I'm out of my mind but I believe the cure of many diseases is to ignore it. That day I was sitting with my dad, talking about cancer, I wanted to know everything about cancer. How it started? Who found it? Where it started? What are the symptoms and treatments? I actually went to a cancer research centre to interview an Oncologist to ask a few questions about the latest remedies that they've found. I hated the fact that there are many new diseases, and I'm here sitting doing nothing, I need to help those doctors find all the cures. People will think I'm crazy or something but I always keep on mind "that every problem has a solution"

After spending years learning about diseases and natural cures, I've always been against chemical medications. I find that chemical medication can increase the progress of a disease, what I mean that the drugs we take to kill a disease can cause other serious disease. I want to prove that natural remedies can cure a disease 100% with no side effects. I know that it will take a long process but I have hope. There was a time when I had a horrible virus that coated all of my body. It felt like a twelve kilo dumbbell crushed my body, I knew I had to go to the hospital, I just knew that they would give those nasty Antibiotics that I hate so much, I actually went to the kitchen mixed a teas spoon of cayenne pepper and a table spoon of apple cider vinegar a table spoon of honey, I forced myself to take it twice a day for about a week. It actually worked.

I've always been interested in the biomedical life. How cells function? Do they communicate? How they bond? I want to find an answer to all my questions. When I was a kid I always used to think and ask "where does the food go inside of me". Biology can sum up everything about life and how it works. My older sister is diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis, I really want to help her fight the battle .she's one of the major reasons why I want to study biology. I could imagine myself raising awareness. I could become a scientist and researching new cure. I could work in my father's laboratory looking at blood samples, investigating cells. I want to build a MS research centre etc.

Other than painting, making music and socialising. I like to know what I'm surrounded by, I want to make the people surrounded me feel safe and happy. I've been in active person all my life, I'll be doing multiple things in once, one thing about me that my friend think it's weird , I ask the weirdest questions that no one can think of.

No one will ask this question, but I'll just say it.

So why is the grass green?

lynn1997h 3 / 37  
Jan 4, 2015   #2
rethink the organization of the essay

try using the questions as hooks or topic sentences to each paragraph and go further from there
OP SHAIMA_A7MD 1 / 5  
Jan 4, 2015   #3
is that bad , should I change the whole organization
lynn1997h 3 / 37  
Jan 4, 2015   #4
say "my older sister has been diagnosed with..."
change up your sentence structure as well to not sound as elementary
lynn1997h 3 / 37  
Jan 4, 2015   #5
also, if you are going to repeat the word "she" in the first paragraph, in the following paragraph, elaborate on who "she" is
vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 4, 2015   #6
Shaima, we need to know what prompt you are trying to answer with this essay. I am not entirely sure how the whole essay applies to the common app prompt that you are trying to respond to. There are too many ideas being presented in the essay for it to be called fully developed and accurately responsive to the prompt. I also see that you posed a number of questions in the essay but offered no answer to them in the sense of how you hope to find answers to these questions during your course of study. There are a number of ways that this essay can be better improved in terms of organization and content but we first need to know the all important prompt question that you have responded to. Once we know that, we can better guide you towards the proper organization and depiction of your response in the essay.


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