Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Christianity is something that has always been a part of my life. I was born to two devout Christian parents, who raised me as a devout Christian myself. I was taught all the core values of Christianity, went to church every Sunday, and learned every basic concept of the story of Jesus and God. I entered high school safe, firm, and confident in my faith, and (so I thought) ready to defend it.
Needless to say, I was wrong. When I entered high school I entered a world that was not just hostile to my belief, but had gathered numerous convincing arguments against it and general problems with it. Over the span of my freshman year my belief which I had thought to be sturdy was shaken very deeply. As the assertions of my peers began to seep under my skin I developed very serious doubts about my faith. I questioned how a good and all-powerful God could allow such evil as we all witness to exist in the world. I questioned how we could really be sure that Jesus had performed miracles, had been crucified, and had risen from the grave. I questioned why God seemed so absent in my life. By the time I reached my junior year I was almost completely unsure of where I stood. My old Christian faith had spent the last two years having massive holes poked in it, but on the other hand atheism was completely unappealing to me; it carried with it an air of pointlessness and hopelessness that I simply detested. At the same time, I was becoming more and more engrossed in engineering and moving towards a more objective and reason-based mindset, a mindset which was no longer satisfied by the tales of love and devotion that mainstream Christianity uses to convince its followers.
Early in my junior year I received a rather remarkable book. It was titled "Mere Christianity", and written by C. S. Lewis, a man who I would say without a doubt has had more influence upon me than any other. Lewis presented to me (through the proxy of the book) one very simple and revolutionary notion: that not only is Christianity reasonable, in the right light it makes a lot more sense than any other religion, including atheism. "Mere Christianity" took a very simple approach to the problem of my doubt. It started from the beginning and walked me through the reasoning behind God's existence. I realized that even though mainstream Christianity fails in many regards, logical atheism fails in many more, particularly concerning the concept of objective morality. Not only did C. S. Lewis teach me the rational argument for God, he taught me how to think rationally, and for that I owe him everything. Thanks to C. S. Lewis, I now know how to stand up and confidently defend myself in a room full of doubters - and have done just that many times since.
I like the topic of your essay a lot. It's very reflective and easy to read. The process which you describe is easy for the reader to relate to. The ending is triumphant.
Here are some issues:
The largest issue for me is that you do not go into detail or give any concrete example from C.S. Lewis' book. If you did, your beliefs, and in turn your reflection and essay will be much, much stronger. How does atheism fail in objective morality? What ideas did C.S. Lewis use to defend Christianity?
The second is a more general issue. As a fact, religion is a very touchy subject. Certain phrases you use such as "makes a lotmore sense than any other religion" or "room full of doubters" may make you appear unaccepting of other views or just simply turn off a reader faithful to their own respective religion. Of course, there is nothing wrong with defending your beliefs. You could rectify this by changing the former with "makesmuchmore sense thanmany other religions..." or rather than gaining the ability to "defend yourself," you can say you gained the ability to hold your ground in a debate.
Note that the 2nd issue will be far less of an issue if solve the first issue, since it will show exactly what rational lead you to adhering so strongly to your religion. This is your essay, however, so I will leave this choice to your own discretion.
Also, random, but if you'd like to read more about "air of pointlessness and hopelessness that I simply detested," I'd suggest researching existentialism.
You're awesome, thanks for the feedback on both of mine. I would elaborate a bit more on the prompt if I could, but the max is 500 words and I think I've got about 480 here already. I'll see what I can do...
And yeah, I know all about existentialism. Jean-Paul Sartre and all that jazz. We covered him in philosophy, and I disliked him almost as much as I disliked David Hume.
AmoebaMan
You're welcome!
The Commonapp essay is uploaded, so it is actually alright to go over the 500 word limit by 1~2 sentences as long as it isn't cut off in the print-out version, or looks obviously long.
Maybe try rephrasing this sentence:
I realized that even though mainstream Christianity fails in many regards, logical atheism fails in many more, particularly concerning the concept of objective morality.
Into this?
I realized that even though mainstream Christianity fails in many regards, it succeeds in addressing the concept of objective morality by...insert something here. You could write anywhere between a phrase to a whole paragraph, morality is a huge argument for Christianity (not that I know what the 'objective morality' the book was referring to is, though).Logical atheism offers no insight/fails in this regard.
I love the concept!!! Good Job!
However, I believe you should talk more about the influence. I believe you can condense the second para by removing redundant reiterations...
Also in the following:
'that not only is Christianity reasonable, in the right light it makes a lot more sense than any other religion , including atheism'
The highlight can be a bit offensive! I suggest you moderate it a bit!
This is a superb essay, your beginning and end are very strong.
The essay clearly shows what you accomplished, but I agree with Udeeptc, talk a little bit more about the influence in the body of the essay.
