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'Not claustrophobic' - To my future roommate - Stanford Prompt

26matrices 2 / 4  
Nov 20, 2009   #1
Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you?

To my future roommate:

Are you claustrophobic? I am not, but if you are, don't worry! I am perfectly fine with small spaces, so you'll have plenty of room. I would even call myself a claustrophilicïlover of small areas (but I love the outdoors and the unknown as well; I don't fear big areas).

I fit in tiny places. Being shoved into lockers was a reality for me (well, I would shove myself into small places to prove a pointïI am small). I'm not as tiny anymore, but I volunteer for positions where someone smaller is needed. As a Powder Puff cheerleader, I was a flyer; as class president, I was once taped to a wall.

My legs and left arm were mummified in duct tape; only my right arm was free to move about. I held a scrambled Rubik's cube in my right hand. Neurons and synapses were firing off as my index finger flipped different layer of the cube. My hand shook nervously, trying to solve the cube with one hand, while everyone stared. 58 moves and 72 seconds later, I was done. The multi-colored sides of the Rubik's cube had sheen to them. Applause, cheering, and a tint of disbelief erupted from the crowd (which was my entire high school).

But I'm not only claustrophilic in my physical environment; I love working with others closely. I love study groups and anything with 'we' in it (including the Wii). If we have classes in common, we will definitely study for tests together. My friends and I study for calculus and U.S. government together now. And, if you need help with physics, I'm your guy: I tutor physics students at my school.

I hope that your application process is going well. Oh, and on the weekends, maybe we could even go cubing together!

Your future best bud,
danielas82192 2 / 3  
Nov 21, 2009   #2
Chris! I had to write the same prompt; however, I was specifically told by my counselor to not direct the essay to my roommate. Instead, I guess, it's supposed to be written similarly to your personal statement, not in second person.

:) good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 23, 2009   #4
I think a colon works better here:

...into small places to prove a point: I am small

You spelled clubbing wrong, just a typo.

I agree that this should be more like a pers. statement. I hope you revise but keep the excellent humor and detail. I hope you cncentrate on introducing yourself as someone who has high hopes for success in a certain field, or in a program at tis school...

Also, get rid of the part about clubing. This is supposed to be an opportunity to show how focused you are as a scholar.

TimMill 9 / 63  
Nov 23, 2009   #5
kids kids kids... he didn't mean to say clubbing, he said what he meant: Cubing. You know, like he talked about for the whole middle paragraph? Rubiks Cube?

That being said, 26Matrices, you should keep in mind that with 400 bajillion essays to read adcoms may misread your final statement. Hopefully now, but something to keep in mind.

Also, why the heck were you solving rubiks cubes in front of your entire school while taped on a wall? Was it a fundraiser? That's very confusing, and may add more confusion than it does humor... think about it.

EDIT: On second thought, if you just didn't say "We could go cubing", it wouldn't sound so much like "we could go clubbing". Try, "we could cube together!"
OP 26matrices 2 / 4  
Nov 23, 2009   #6
Thanks all. I'll update and post my 2nd draft soon.
deeprocker 2 / 6  
Nov 24, 2009   #7
It seems to be an good essay, but however I agree with danielas82192, I think we should not write the essay to second person (room mate) . I am also applying to Stanford, and I wrote an essay telling my background (I lived and studied in different countries and I wrote that I have enough experience to be able to accord with my roommate etc.).

But it could be acceptable, I m an international student, I don't have experience about admissions, but I just wanted to give my opinion,


luu123 5 / 11  
Nov 29, 2009   #8
whoa 72 seconds? IMPRESSIVE!

i wrote my roommate essay in second person too :P (but as if i'm actually talking to my roomie), but dans suggestion seems pretty good too. i dunno!

i like how you added humor into it (the "wii" part lol)

maybe you should make the whole thing a bit longer? the word limit is 250 minimum right?

p.s. critique mine too!

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