"I have a clear path and goal set"; Transfer appeal- Are you convinced?

Pardon me for poor writing.

This is my last attempt to convince the committees that I shouldn't had been denied admission to the school. In my essay, I explained why my application was overlooked due to inadvertent circumstances. Any constructive criticism, feedback and assistants in editing my writing would be much appreciated. I urgently need to get into the school for the program. I planned out my goals. I've made the mistake of delaying my graduation by going through college without a major, taking classes from all various part of the spectrum and retaking failed classes. I'm done wasting time.

________ Undergraduate Admissions
Transfer Appeals Committee
____________________
Box _____
_______________17853

Dear Committee Members,

I applied for admissions as a transfer student to _________ early February. Upon completion of my application, I was asked to pay a processing fee. As a current _____ student, I was certain the fees would be waivered off. I contacted the admissions office on this matter only to get a response two month later telling me it was a mistake and to proceed with payment. While I did eventually get refunded, I was never notified with their decision to accept me on the month the acceptance letters were being handed out. I decided to follow up on this and called them. A counselor at the school told me that my application was received late on file and that it will not be reviewed. I explained to him my situation but all he could say was sorry, what you could do is go on the school's website and ask to defer my admission for the spring semester. This is why I am here writing a appeal.

I direly need to get accepted into your school for the fall 2013 semester. I have a clear path and goal set. I want to go into corporate finance. My current school does not offer that particular major/field. Last semester I purposely signed up for classes that meet the requirement for ____ College when transferring using the course evaulation webpage. I would hate to lose out on more time and be forced into a program at my current school just to graduate with a degree.

I really hope you'll reconsider me for reallocation. I would not be happier anywhere else.

Kindly yours,

keep writing you ll learn soon

Forgot to add- I am not using excuses in my appeal letter. It legitimately was what occurred and unfortunately it happened to me.

Can anyone throw some input? How can I tweak it or change it entirely to make this letter better?

Anyone??? Getting a bit desperate here.

First, regarding the structure of your letter:
+ In the first paragraph, you should state briefly the purpose of this letter, for example: "I am writing this letter to request a review of a recent decision...".

+ The second para is where you tell the story. Don't tell the whole story in the first paraghraph and then say "This is why I am here writing an appeal".

+ Third para should be why your appeal should be granted (which is your current second paragraph).
+ At the end of the letter you should have a closing sentence like "I appreciate your considering my request..."

Secondly, make sure your grammar is correct and check your wording:


--> "follow up on" is not formal, it sounds like you are talking to your friend. Replace "follow up on" with words like "verify" or "inquire into". And I don't get what "this" refer to.




--> this is not formal.
And don't use contraction like this:


Lastly, watch your tone in the letter. Keep a respectful tone.


--> Leave out this sentence, the admissions office does not need to know what the counselor told you.

Hope this helps. Good luck with your college admission.

I'll like to thank you for your feedback, April April. It was very helpful. I made a revision. I'll appreciate it if anyone can give me further feedback/adjustments. Thank you!

Dear Committee Members,

First, I'll like to thank you for your time and consideration of my application to ________. I am writing this letter to request an appeal of a recent decision.

I applied for admissions as a transfer student to _______ early February. Upon completion of my application, I was asked to pay a processing fee. As a current _____ student, I was certain the application fees should be waivered. I decided to put the payment on hold and contact the undergraduate inquiries on this matter via email. I was notified back in two months and was told to have my current school send proof of documentations that I am currently enrolled. I was never notified with their decision to accept me on the month that followed when acceptance letters were being handed out. I called the admissions office and was informed by an admission counselor that the application I submitted was late and is the reason I was denied entry to ______.

Despite the mistakes and my decision that lead me here, I'll like to express how much getting accepted into your College would mean to me. I made a commitment and have set clear and concise goals to reach. I want to enter into Corporate Finance, which is not available at the school I am currently enrolled in. Last semester I used the ____ webpage to sign up for courses that'll fulfill the general requirements for _______ upon transferring. I feel ______ is the perfect place for me to grow while pursuing a degree in a subject I am most motivated about. I would not be happier anywhere else.

I respect your decision and I hope with this new information, you would reconsider my application. I appreciate you considering my request and I'll like to thank you for your time.

Sincerely yours,

Anyone??

I'm not yet convinced.


I know what you mean, but they sound like excuses.

I promise I will spend more time with this in a few hours. Gotta run right now.

Don't sweat---it'll turn out fine.


This idea needs to be discussed in your essay.

Looking forward to it and I appreciate your feedback. I'll like to submit this letter very soon, so it'll be nice if I can a lot of people to chime in and give me suggestions for improvement.

Help?

Sorry about the delay.

When's this due?


You might focus your essay on the ways in which YOU could have prevented this from happening. More important, tell why you allowed it to happen and HOW you intend to change.

However, if the SOLE reasons for your rejection relate specifically to the reasons above---and IF you think that explaining these circumstances will help you---then stick to what you have.

If this is the case, I will proofread what you've posted above. However, I'm not sure they want to hear about how THEY fumbled the football.

Jkjeremy, there's no due date per se. However, I'll like to have it submitted ASAP. School starts next month and it'll be disheartening if they don't even take a look at my appeal letter as a result of time.

I like your first idea. However, sadly my sole reasons for my rejection is the reasons listed above. They won't even look at my credentials because my application was late. I agree admins don't like to hear excuses. But, what choice do I have?

I'll like to thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I very much appreciate it.

Anyone can help put me our my misery of bumping this thread?