MIT creativity essay " How i convinced students to donate blood"

hi, i know it maybe odd topic for the creativity essay but this is the only project i have ever led. the word count is 281 and i need to cut it down by 30 words . Thanks in advance

Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (*) (200-250 words)

It is one thing to do an appreciable deed yourself; a totally different matter to convince others to do it. I was overwhelmed by a similar feeling when I first had the idea of starting a voluntary blood drive in my school. Even before I had talked to anyone of my school fellows, I knew that convincing them to donate blood would be no walk in the park.

Though every person required a different approach, I used three basic tactics to persuade my fellows. For some the lure of being an unsung hero, someone who is going to save a life, was enough to convince them for donation. For others I rattled my brains for reasons that would appeal to them. Some of my fellows were studying economics and I used their knowledge of subject to my fullest advantage. A healthy adult can only donate three units of blood every year, roughly the same amount used in an average major operation. Major surgeries will never cease to happen so I used the simple argument of maintaining a supply of blood for the hospital, for the purpose of saving lives, to convince the young economists for donation. To induce the rest I made them realize that it was their social responsibility to give blood as we humans are the only source of blood and hospitals have a constant requirement for blood.

Although not many of my peers actually donated blood, as they were denied permission by their parents; something which I had overlooked, I was still satisfied that I had convinced, in person, many of my peers to donate blood. I believe one day, if not today, they will donate blood voluntarily

Hey hassan, one thing i like about your writing is that its very simple and honest such that I could hear your voice.

One thing that i felt awkward was your first sentence.

*It is one thing to do an appreciable deed yourself; a totally different matter to convince others to do it.*

I think you can improve on this sentence. Im not sure if you agree with me, just some suggestion. :)

Overall i think it pretty much answers the question, and keep with such simple writing. All the best for you!

For some, the lure of being an unsung hero, someone who is going to save a life, was convincing enough .

For others, I rattled my brains for reasons that would appeal to them.


This sentence is a bit wordy.

To induce the rest, I made them realize that it was their social responsibility to give blood as we humans are the only source of blood and hospitals are in constant need .

Overall, it's pretty good. If you need too cut more words out, speak in the present tense, it removes a lot of "I"s. For example "I rattled" turns into "rattling" and "I made them realized" turns into "making them realize."