'Clubs and school activities' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

If you can, please help to correct this essay and tell me if its missing anything. Thank you

Applying to colleges and universities is a tedious task that takes a lot of researching as well as time to think through it all. Finding the right school is just as hard. There are many different factors to look into when deciding what school is right.

I feel UCF is the right school for me. My goal is to Major in Biology, with the intention to pursue a career in the Medical field. In applying to UCF I feel I can accomplish and obtain my goal. As well as gain the "college experience". I would be able to leave home, which would enable me to learn to live on my own, mature as well as value everything my parents have done for me so far.

When I decided to apply to UCF I thought about the various opportunities UCF has to offer. If accepted I would apply to the various clubs, take part in as much school activities and try my hardest to maintain outstanding grades.

Greetings!

I'd be happy to help with some editing advice! The main problem I see with it is that it is too generic. This essay could apply to pretty much any university on the planet. It sounds rather like you are using the same essay for every school, and just changing the name of the university. They are not asking "why are you going to college?" They want to know "Why, amongst all the dozens of schools you could have chosen, did you select ours?" You should try to personalize it, by mentioning some of their programs specifically, if possible. Basically, all you have told them is that you want some day to have some unspecified job in the very large field of medicine and that their school will be good because you can leave home. That does not give them a very compelling reason to choose you instead of some other applicant. See if you can come up with something more specific than their "various opportunities" to talk about, to show that you have really given your choice some thought.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com