Why CMU, why? - I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception.

Here goes my 575 word, 1 MS-Word page essay. Also, I'm an international student looking at CMU as one of my top choices for comp science.

ESSAY STARTS HERE

I'm a person who likes to keep things simple, and life is no exception. When I first came across the fact that the computer knows just 2 numbers - 0 and 1, namely, I was shell shocked. Something that looks so complicated and provides so many functions in daily life, was nothing but appropriate combinations of those numbers. To me, there was a deeper philosophical meaning; everything complex could be broken down into simple steps. From a very young age, I wanted to know the working of a computer, how the entire digital world was compressed into a small chip - the microprocessor, how two simple states - on and off, could be combined to make complex logical decisions, and choosing Computer Science as my stream in my senior years gave me access to this sort of knowledge. This served to pique my curiosity further and I decided to choose Computer Science as my major at a widely reputed institute such as Carnegie Mellon.

Carnegie Mellon has an immense international reputation that attracts students far and wide. The School of Computer Science offers a rigorous curriculum in my favored field that encompasses everything I could possibly want to know in a computer. To have the computer think like a human has been a longstanding problem in the modern world but with the resources Carnegie has to offer, I'm highly optimistic that it is possible. The curriculum's wide range of topics ensures that one does not lose pace in this ever-changing world of technology, and also sharpens my logical thinking and analytical skills. Computer science is not all about programming and it is essential to know the physical demands a system places and the limitations faced in maintaining such systems. Carnegie's curriculum offers such a valuable insight and bridges the gap between theory and practical use. It provides a deeper understanding of important concepts and develops critical thinking in an individual.

It is no wonder then that my second choice is Electrical and Computer Engineering at the Carnegie Institute of Technology. Ever since I was introduced to semiconductor technology and devices, I wanted to build my own computer from scratch, doing everything from the microprocessor to the monitor. To me, the computer is a beautiful product of physics and mathematics, and electricity is its life force. An education at the CMU would prove invaluable to my understanding of these fields and coupled with my goal of creating a "thinking computer" that would be beneficial to mankind, I can only marvel. I strive to extract the good in technology to make the world a better place to live in, and make such beneficial technology available to the masses.

The community at Carnegie Mellon is vast and diverse and the right kind of community I would like to place myself in. It synchronizes with my taste to be exposed to different cultures and gain knowledge about the world in general. It also serves to strengthen my understanding of people and brings me a step closer towards achieving my goal. Knowing how people react to different situations under different circumstances is critical to developing a decision making system.

An education is not about gaining knowledge; it is about being practical and applying such knowledge to serve as pillars towards growth. A curriculum that not just provides in-depth learning but also improves my personality and makes me a contributing individual on the whole, is something only a reputed institution like Carnegie can offer.

The transition from one major to the next in paragraph form is quite flawless. It was smooth and did not offer any shock to the reader with regard to the way the topic changed going into the next paragraph. The essay is quite strong and compelling to read. That said, I believe that the introductory paragraph needs a little bit more work. You make it sound like you have been targeting enrollment at CMU ever since you were a child interested in computers. Surely that was not the case for you. I believe that you should clearly define when you came across CMU and what drew you in particular to the computer department of the university. Just as you did with your electrical and computer engineering course. I believe that your essay would also benefit from your relating what particular internship programs they offer that you believe can help you achieve more in your chosen field. Normally, one of the important considerations that a student makes when choosing a university has to do with the ability of the university to provide him or her with ample hands on training via internships and other similar programs. Other common apps ask for something along those lines in their essay so I don't think it will hurt your CMU essay to follow that template.

@vangiespen

Thank you for that, mate. The problem I'm currently facing is that I don't have a lot of information on CMU. That said, I shall definitely do more research on the internship programs and update my essay accordingly. As for the introductory paragraph, yes, I totally agree with the way it looks like, though that isn't what I meant. Thanks again ! Will put the updated essay shortly :)

This is a much better introduction that clearly defines the basis of your interest in CMU. I believe that it works well with the rest of the essay. By the way, aren't you going to mention anything about any potential projects or research that you would want to undertake during your time as a CMU student? I just reviewed the prompt requirements again and it encourages you to present some information along those lines. It seems to be optional though but if you do choose to present something, I am sure that it will help the admissions officers seriously consider your aptitude and abilities in terms of completing your CMU studies and what you have to offer the university in exchange for academic learning.

I'm seriously limited by the "one-page" condition. I want to write a lot more, but then that would be exceeding the limit.

Would you like to work with me on that? Here is what I would like you to do if you want to make sure you present as much beneficial information about your desires as a student in your application. Just write the essay. Include a single spaced additional paragraph related to the research or project plans that you might have. Then post it here. If you won't mind having me tweaking your essay and editing it to a certain degree, you may not have to go over the single page, single space limit. If all goes according to plan, I should be able to help you present everything that you need to within a single page. Do you want to give it a try? I am just offering to do this, you don't necessarily have to do it if you don't want to :-)

I did try writing a para related to any research plans that I might have but I found it too similar in context to what's already been written (thinking computer, Artificial Intelligence etc.) . Thanks for your offer however :-)