COLLABORATION AND THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION

XXX students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (100 to 250 words)

Collaboration and the technological revolution

I aspired to build a robot the day I watched the sci-fi fiction 'Robocop'. With random electronic parts and junk wires, which I had procured from my family's junk box, I began soldering the greenish electric kits without anyone's knowledge. The machine didn't really do anything-other than get me into trouble. My brother informed me that those "random" parts were rather costly RCA tubes. Still, such household fiascoes didn't hold me back from participating in Yantra, a National Robotics Competition featuring robotic moguls & brilliant high-schoolers with their sophisticated machinery, unlike my homemade recreation toys. Although I was acquainted with the programmability of microelectronics, I was unsure about the configuration of the Voice-delivery modules for my Information-bot. I was always a solitary techie getting my hands dirty in diverse technical entities: from making a bulletin software for my high-school administration to designing UX for an application of Junior Jaycees humanitarian foundation. However, this time the state of helplessness urged me to collaborate with some handy Science Club members and after a fortnight of restless collaboration, the bot was ready. Ultimately, although my team seemed disappointed for just securing the 'Innovative-bot' honor, I was gratified to the nth degree after witnessing the dominance of team-effort over my technical insularity. Without my team's backing, my participation would have been a shaggy-dog story. Watching our creation do something as simple as speaking few instructions was exhilarating, particularly when we had built it with praiseworthy team-spirit. Collaboration is the soul of contemporary technological revolution.

Nanda, throughout your story, you had highlighted the fact that you were a rogue, solitary, robot making madman who was defying the odds and the ire of your family in the quest of the fulfillment of your idea. Then all of a sudden, the story changes focus to the competition where you were now part of a team. Yet the reader doesn't get any clear concept of how the team helped you develop and build your robot. Therefore, the highlighted statement you made at the end doesn't make any sense. How did the experience with the team result in your intellectual development? You need to represent that part of the prompt in your essay. I would like you to consider lessening the focus on your solo work on the robot and instead, move as fast as possible within the essay to the team effort with a representation of ideas being exchanged so that you can better respond to the prompt.

Nanda, you have to make it clear in the essay that your science buddies did more than just advice you regarding how to fix the voice problem. You have to make it clear that the contest was part of a collaborative effort of the team composed of you and your science buddy friends. Without the indication that the team was created and you all agreed to join the contest, the lesson about collaborative intellectual development is unclear. If you are worried about the word count, you can still cut some parts of the beginning of the statement. If you wish, you could even just make simple mention of your habit of building things alone but when it came to this robot in particular, you just needed help to you reached out to your friends. Try to bring the reaching out and collaboration part into the essay sooner. Keeping it for the end of the essay doesn't allow for much development and doesn't really focus on the learning part as much as your going rogue at the start.

@Holt
I think I've clearly mentioned the Voice Delivery system as the major issue for our robot, and also I learned several important skills from my partners


;However, I've made the following changes.


I lacked the knowledge of the Voice-delivery modules for my Information-bot.


Science Club buddies: which proved to be one of my wisest decisions as I implemented diverse skillsets from my friends regarding apt codes for voice-delivery and the embellishment of system architecture with exteriors for the finalization of our bot. After a fortnight of restless collaboration for constructing our robot

Did these friends of yours join you in the competition or not? Clarify that point in the essay because it sounds to me like it was a collaborative team effort. Yet , according to you, you only asked them for advice regarding how to fix the problem. So this was still a rogue competition for you? Just you alone? Then why did you mention them at the end in the following light:

I was gratified to the nth degree while witnessing the dominance of team-effort over my technical insularity: however, my friends seemed disappointed for just securing a minimal honor in the competition. Watching our creation do something...

So was it a group competition or not? Your narration at this point is confusing. Clarify if they were in the competition with you or just disappointed that their advice was not enough for you to win the competition. That is all you have to do. If you don't want to do that then that is also fine. I will not insist.

@Holt
Thanks a lot. How about these edits?

However, this time I had to reach out to my Science Club buddies: which proved to be one of my wisest decisions as my friends implemented diverse skill-sets, from coding fluent voice-delivery mechanism to the embellishment of system architecture, for the finalization of our bot.

I was gratified to the nth degree .... Although our team secured a minimal honor of 'Innovative Bot' in the competition, watching our creation do something as simple as speaking few instructions was exhilarating, particularly when we had built it at a short notice with praiseworthy team-spirit.

Nanda, you just need to insert a clarification line that will make it clear that you were the only one who participated in the program and your friends only advised you on how to best improve the bot. Something like this:

... my friends seemed disappointed for just securing a minimal honor in the competition. They felt as if the hard work they put in to help me develop the best bot that I could for the competition was a failure...

or

... I had attempted reaching out, I decided to join the team competition and reach out to my science buddies to create my team...

I am hoping that by showing you what the actual problem is with the essay, that you will now be able to actually address the important missing element in your essay, with your own voice and presentation. Do you see how and why it is important to address how your friends helped you with the bot?

@Holt
It was actually a team-event and also I've clarified that in my latest version of the essay (not posted). Are you telling me that showing an individualistic participation will be more impressive than mentioning the whole team ?

I am not saying that one presentation would be better than the other. What I am saying is that you needed to clarify that it was a team effort because it was not so clear in the previous versions of the essay. In my honest opinion, you can actually discuss the importance of the intellectual development you had on both an individual and team level.

The individual level would show that your solo learning activities could only go so far before you needed more people to help you learn a more advanced level. That way, you show that you are not only capable of learning alone, but you are able to learn more through group learning as well. These are two different levels of intellectual development that are represented in your essay and should therefore, both be included in your final paragraph regarding their importance in your intellectual development.