College Application Essay to the University Of Buffalo Prompt 6

bond with my father

For as long as I can remember, my dad has been one of my heroes and one of the people I love most in this world. Not only is he my father, but he is also a symbol of strength and the payoff of hard work. He inspires me to push myself and to not put pleasure over responsibilities. My father made something of himself after conquering many obstacles throughout his life that placed him in the stable position he is in today. My father immigrated to the United States from Trinidad in the 90s, he came from extreme poverty and only finished the Trinidadian equivalent of an Elementary School education because he was forced to drop out in order to help provide for his family. When he came to this country he was able to utilize his savings to start up a successful mechanic shop that has been going strong for over 20 years.

There is a picture of my Dad and a 3 year old me washing his 2002 Corvette Z06 in our backyard, that picture means a lot to me because it is a visual representation of our bond and him teaching me the value of hard work at such an early age. I remember seeing the end result of washing the car and feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride in my work. This taught me that the task may seem difficult and time consuming, and many times we may not feel like doing it, but seeing the amazing result of your hard work is an indescribable and unmatched feeling. The result of my Father's hard work was a home over his head, food on the table, a car to get from point A to point B, a wife, and two sons who look up to him. I am overflowing with anticipation and excitement to see the product of my efforts, and years of hard work and dedication. But for now I have to conquer every homework, project, quiz, and test that comes my way, and eventually take advantage of the opportunities my Dad wasn't able to receive such as the gift of attending College. My father came from nothing and amounted to something, I aspire to have that same amount of determination he wakes up with every day. When I hear his jangling keys and slow foot steps go down the stairs to head off the work every morning, I am immediately filled with joy and motivation, because if my Dad can do it, so can I. Because of him I know that there's nothing too overwhelming or time-consuming for me to handle because it will all payoff in the future.

Vashan, what is the specific prompt you are trying to respond to? Your response is not aligned with the common app prompt #6 that states: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more? Would you mind providing me with a copy of the University of Buffalo number 6 prompt so that I can offer a more academic review of your essay? At the moment, your essay can only be reviewed using general concepts that surround the application essays.

I believe that the slant of the essay leans too much towards your depiction of your father's life and accomplishments. It is almost as if you are writing a recommendation letter for your father to be admitted to college. I am sure that this is not the intention of the prompt provided to you. If anything, the discussion of your father's life must be in accordance or in balance with a discussion that should be centered upon you, as the subject of the essay. Depending upon the requirements of the prompt you are responding to, it will be important for you to revise the content of your essay to bring you, as the applicant, to the center of the discussion. These application essays always look for the commonalities between the two characters in these sorts of essays. The commonality has to be strong but with a description or discussion more focused on the applicant instead of the applicant's inspiration.