'A college campus = a melting pot' - common app essay on diversity

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you. 498/500 word limit.

A college campus is analogous to a melting pot. Every student is a different "element" with different "properties", but when you put them together on a campus, they start to "melt together" and become one. This is what diversity means to me. Imagine the world as if everybody was a clone trooper, what a boring place it would be.

So what kind of "element" am I? What are my "properties?" How would I fit into the melting pot? If I were indeed an element, I would have been discovered in Kenya by George and Jacqueline Isanda and my name would be BrianusObinous, my atomic height would be 6 foot 2 inches, and my atomic mass would be 153 lbs. or approximately 69400 grams. If I were to attempt to describe how I would fit into the melting pot according to atoms, it would be absurd. For example, I would be a member of group 1 or 17 because I am very reactive and tend to bond easily and therefore if I were found in my natural state, I would be a diatomic molecule. Doesn't that sound absurd? In normal terms, I would fit into the melting pot because I am very socially outgoing and tend to make friends easily wherever I go because I try not to judge others, but instead recognize them as their own individual.

I am looking forward to college life because I will be able to share my Kenyan heritage in a positive multi-cultural environment which will also allow me to learn about other cultures and possibly adopt some of their culture. While I will be learning from others, I will also contribute my Kenyan culture through cooking food and participating in activities such as a Multi-Cultural Week or a Cultural Festival. I will also get a chance to speak my broken "Swahinglish" (Swahili and English) and Spanglish to other individuals from around the world.

If I were only allowed to bring three items with me to college, I would bring my soccer cleats, my calculator, and my baby brother's Thomas the Train Engine. I would bring my soccer cleats because soccer has been a big part of my life and I have been playing the sport for as long as I can remember and college life without soccer just doesn't seem right. My calculator would definitely accompany me to college because I can't remember the last time I didn't have a chemistry problem that didn't need some bulky number-crunching. Although bringing my baby brother's Thomas the Train Engine would raise a few puzzled looks, it would be guaranteeing at least one visit from my little brother to come and retrieve it.

I believe that I will contribute towards diversity in a college community because I am my own "element" with my own "properties" which set me apart from others. While some "elements" are introverts and prefer to keep to themselves, I am willing to be reactive and bond with other "elements."

You don't really answer the prompt. You explain that your Kenyan heritage would contribute to the college, but the prompt asks for a specific experience or encounter from your Kenyan heritage. It looks like you have to take a specific experience and extrapolate from that. How does this specific experience show the college how I'll contribute to its diversity?

It is a good essay out of context, but it's not what the admissions people are looking for.

Edited it, Hows this?

Ignorance is Not Bliss
How can a place you call "home" make you feel like an outsider? In my high school, anytime Africa is mentioned, I can expect to hear snickers and get odd looks. I often wonder how it is possible to grow up in the same community and circumstances as another, but have a completely different view on a situation. As a matter of fact, Kenyan people are no different than Americans. We all breathe the same air, feel the same emotions, and have the same needs, so why do we treat each other differently based on arbitrary qualities such as skin color and ethnicity? It wasn't until this year that I realized how ignorant I was before my trip to Kenya.

Despite his low income, my father decided to save money and take me to my country of birth, Kenya. We stayed for a week and I had numerous experiences which included meeting a wide range of diverse people. Whenever I arrived in America, I felt as if I had lost a part of myself in Kenya, but in turn, I gained an understanding on how diversity affects me.

Before my trip, everyone showed initial interest in my trip, but whenever I arrived back in America and I would share my experiences, it appeared that nobody cared. I was shocked when they showed a lack of interest in my travels because many people in my town have never had the opportunity to visit an African nation. I was wondering how in America, the supposedly "melting pot," people are so ignorant of other cultures. As a matter of fact, the answer is really simple, some Americans would rather live in their comfort zone and fall back to stereotypes than try to disprove them. Comparing my fellow students to my Kenyan cousins who have experienced and understand various cultures, I discovered how important experiencing diversity is. In my city, I often see people who have not experienced other cultures and different ways of life and are stuck in their "bubble" forming stereotypes based on face value and ignorance.

Without having been exposed to other cultures and different ways of life, not only those from abroad, but even from nearby states, I have seen the people in my community restricted in their way of life, become stereotypical and confused when facing issues that require diverse thinking, and they are more often than not outright rude towards another way of life that they do not understand, rather than seeking to expand their knowledge. Whenever it comes to diversity, ignorance is not bliss, as a matter of fact, it is quite the opposite. Ignorance hinders you and because of this, I am thankful for my travel exposures which helped me become less ignorant of other cultures. Without them, I would still think all Africans are hostile and are not well educated and would never be able to imagine the experiences associated with different cultures. Once I witnessed "The Matrix," my perspective changed.

i really like your analogy

No offense but this one looks quite similar to one that I saw this morning, the one written by kaioulunar. I think it is okay to get inspirations from other essays but don't use the same words. I do think they(admission comm) check every essay.

other than that, your ideas are good. You can present it in a better way.

yeah, I see what you mean. I changed mine and its different now. Thanks man