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Columbia Supplement Question 1. "Popularity and acceptance"



pguz 1 / 1  
Nov 23, 2012   #1
Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events.
Popularity and acceptance. I feel that those two words perfectly describe the goals of my first three lackluster years of high school. Years that involved erasing true colors, and putting on a mask that displayed a feigned interest for football and Lil Wayne. But of all the months of trying to "act hard", I never seemed to assimilate into the elite group of jocks and cheerleaders. Instead, my obsession to climb the echelon of high school social hierarchy further isolated me from the popular cliques, and led me to lose true friendships. Chris Crutcher's "Athletic Shorts", tells the overstated message of to "be true to yourself". Though I heard this multiple times from my teachers, it obviously took me a while to fully understand the old saying. After reading, I came to the realization that my quest to become a "cool kid" was downright stupid. I didn't have to be admitted into a coterie obsessed with looks and gossip to find true happiness, I just had to accept who I was. So I embraced my passion for the paintings of John Singleton Copley, and ceased paying attention to Twitter. Once again, I sang along to soundtrack of the Phantom of the Opera and The Book of Mormon, and stopped memorizing lyrics of songs from a pop culture that endorses drug use and adultery. The novel shined a light on a much needed truth of my high school journey, a truth that helped me forge new friendships and gain back old ones. It was a truth that gave me acceptance and the gift of true happiness.

blquandt 9 / 23  
Nov 23, 2012   #2
I know that feel bro.
Overall, this is a solid essay. Just a few changes you could make:

~Cut out the words "I feel that" at the start of the second sentence. It makes the essay seem like more of a fact than an opinion.

~Consider (don't do it without thinking about it) getting rid of the word "lackluster". In my opinion it messes with sentence flow.

~Cut out the comma after "colors", it is unnecessary.
~Change "of" to "after" in the fourth sentence.
~The word "echelon" should be plural.
~Cut out the word "So" that starts a sentence. That isn't formal enough for an admissions essay
~Consider making "Once again, I sang along to soundtrack of the Phantom of the Opera and The Book of Mormon, and stopped memorizing lyrics of songs from a pop culture that endorses drug use and adultery." two sentences.

~If you're going to use the word "truth" in your closing sentences, you should define what the "truth" is.

Great job! If you post your revised version, i would be glad to give you more feedback.


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