Columbia SHP - interests and background in science and mathematics. Biology & Math is everywhere

I was wondering if there's anything I have to change or if there's any grammatical errors. Thanks!

Biochemistry and robotics club

I wasn't always interested in what went on in our bodies, all the different chemical reactions, and its general complexities. I only recently started questioning it and wanted to dive deeper into it. Around 8th grade is when I started to notice how much I consistently looked forward to our biology and math classes. Learning what processes take place in our bodies that allow us to function always captivated me. How the cell membrane keeps toxic substances out of our cells but also brings in molecules that are essential for metabolic processes. However, we never got into the chemical basis of these many biological processes. A lot of times when I'd come back from school I would find myself watching a lot of medical-related videos or reading books that went into specifics. "Harpers Illustrated Biochemistry" was very compelling and although it was challenging to understand it made me realize how much more I wanted to learn about biochemistry and medicine. When it came to mathematics I was consistently hesitant to learn more. However, once I joined the Robotics Club and STEM program I realized that mathematics is everywhere in our lives and that it has a lot more meaning. In the Robotics Club, we all had the objective to make this robot walk in different patterns and even speak. I didn't have a lot of coding experience beforehand but in the end, after a lot of trial and error, I managed to accomplish it and learned a lot.

The explanation is direct to the point and simplistic in its approach. That, is where I see a problem possibly occurring for your application. The prompt is asking you to highlight the development of your interest in Math and Science. However, your presentation is too much of a "gloss over" instead of "involved show". You are just telling the reviewer these things, but not showing any actual relationship between each section in terms of developing, strengthening, and solidifying your interest in STEM. You need to be more specific about the discussion. Avoid saying things like "I wasn't always interested" because that leads to the unrelated question "What changed to make you interested?" Rather than uncertainty, portray the stability of your interest in STEM and the progressive development of your interest in the field. Most importantly, show the reviewer, don't tell him about your interests. The show part indicates the development of the interest, which matters the most in this presentation.