In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Education was always something that was valued, and ranked above all else in my life. Long study nights, late night essay touchups, and extensive reading seemed to be a typical night, until October 25, 2009. It was the day after I had received awards in a journalism workshop on the UF campus, that friends and I decided to get together to celebrate. We had decided to ride four-wheelers that afternoon, and it proved to be one of the worst mistakes of my life. We crashed that day, and it ended with a compound fracture to my right arm including nerve damage. Soon after, I began to realize the reality of what had happened, and how it would affect my high school career. There was two months before surgery could be done, and even after that I was told I may never be able to use my hand again, due to the nerve being nearly severed.
I was not able to complete any course work during the total of three months of recovery, and with a full load of Advanced Placement and honors courses, I began to wonder how I would catch up. When I was finally able to return, walking in the doors my first day back was all the motivation I needed. I knew that this terrible event was not going to stop my education, and my dreams to continue on to college. I learned to write with my left hand, and even learned to work a computer to not let down my fellow yearbook staff members with work I had left undone. I worked many hours with teachers and professors before and after school, doing extensive studying and soon I found myself closer to the other students.
This was one of the hardest times of my life, but soon I started to see how rewarding it was, and how I knew I would never regret the hours that I put back in. I finished not only my own work on the yearbook, but other work staff members had not done, and soon I was promoted to the Editor for 2010-2011 year. I took my AP Language and Composition exam, and was one of the few to pass to get college credit. I got high regards in GPA from my principal, and was initiated into the Nation Honors Society. Being able to take such a negative experience in my life, and turn in into something great showed me much about how much determination I have in my life. By getting accepted into UF, I will be able to apply this determination and initiative to new challenging courses, and further not only my education, but my dreams that I have proven I can accomplish.
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Im looking for a critque! I need to know if you think any words should be substituted to make it better, or structure, anything. Im about about 450 words, with a cap of 500.
Thanks!
I think you have a great introduction, It has to inspire drama, a hook if you will. In my opinion you should explain in more depth how you recovered, writting with your left hand. I think you have quite an inspirational essay. I would only elaborate a little bit more on the body.
Good Luck!!!
Long study nights, late night essay touchups, and extensive reading were typical nightly activities, until October 25, 2009.
There were two months before surgery could be done, and even after that I was told I may never be able to use my hand again, due to the nerve being nearly severed.
Do not use a comma in this sentence:
Being able to take such a negative experience in my life and turn in into something great showed me much about how much determination I have. in my life.
Do you plan to be a journalist? If so, what is your philosophy of journalism? Where do you want to work? Tell a little about your future.
Read Strunk and White! You are a good writer.
