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Coming from an Eastern Country - Transfer Admission Essay - Statement on Purpose



ellenk3112 1 / 3  
Dec 9, 2012   #1
Hi everyone,
I'm planning to transfer to somewhere in either Texas or New York next Fall. Most of the schools I'm applying for require "statement on purpose" essay or "why do you want to transfer?" essay, so I wonder whether or not I can use this for both of the requirements.

Because I wrote it for scholarships that only allow 250 words or less, it's quite short. I can add more details later.

"As a child, born and raised in an Eastern country, learning at an early age was what I was told, even forced to do, not what I chose to do. Here I am, in my second year at college, wondering whether attending school is my own decision.

Three years ago, my parents gave me the best gift I have ever received, "American education", when they decided to move here. The gift gives me chances to learn what I want to, in addition to what I am required to, and has transformed my view of learning, from compulsory to exciting. It also offers me opportunities to experience different aspects of life. From there, I have learned more about myself, and my interests. Therefore, college helps me to direct my career path.

As I enjoy my life, my parents struggle with theirs. The inability to provide a life with no worry for their children and the lack of communication and entertainment due to limited English skills are what they have to handle every day. What they have paid for the gift is invaluable. All I can do to thank them is study, harder and harder. It is not only for me, but for my parents also. I want their gift to be worthwhile.

Although college cannot guarantee me success, it does increase my opportunity to achieve it. I am hungry for knowledge and college has fed me very well. Thus, why should I not attend college?"

Feel free to fix any grammar error or comment about the essay. I really appreciate it.
Thank you for your time.

admission2012 - / 475  
Dec 12, 2012   #2
Hello,

Did you win the scholarship with this essay? This is not a statement of purpose at all. For a decent statement of purpose you need to include several elements such as;

Your Background
Educational Interests
Reasons For transferring
How new school can/will help you. (Specify Resources)

Depending on the competitiveness of the school, how much you write will vary. For a simple transfer to non-competitive school a 300 word SOP is fine. However for more competitive transfers, 500 words with a detailed plan is in order. -AAO


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