COMMON APP SHORT ANSWER ESSAY: Social Service Club

There are 2 short answer essays on this post:
please edit, and also tell me which one I'd do better with! :)

========================= =============================================

"Ha-ssa-ran-gni." The tiny Sri Lankan girl in front of me giggles delightfully at my fifth failed attempt to pronounce her name. I frown comically and express my confusion, and gesture her to teach me once more. "Haa-ssa-raang-gni!" I don't see the difference, but try mouthing the words again anyways just for the joy of pleasing the little lady and for the sake having fun together.

Many of the times during Social Service Club, I had to communicate and play with small local children like Hasarangani who I didn't share a language with. At first, the challenge would seem daunting, but with a little patience, perseverance and careful attention, a language barrier could not stop us from enjoying a pleasant time together. The pride that I can help somebody and the joy of seeing another child depart with a satisfied smile brings me back for more.

========================= =============================================

"Hey, Singapore!" Even though it has been three years since I've first participated in COMUN as the Delegate of Singapore, I still have a dozen friends from other schools who call me "Singapore", and another dozen who call me "Barbados". I enjoyed every moment I took control of the stage, and the heated, passionate debates at my first MUN mesmerized me, and drew me to participate in MUN again as the Delegate of Barbados.

While researching about the participating countries and the problems at stake, I was introduced to a new field where I quickly became inquisitive for more information and thriving to reach better resolutions. This has now grown into my dream and passion to become a diplomat and a member of the UN which career path I want to start pursuing by studying International Relations at ________ University.

========================= =============================================

please edit edit edit and comment comment comment!! :D

Both are great! (Answering your question about the Common App. I think the deadline is 11:59 the time of wherever the Common App. head office is which I think is in the east part of the country. I know this because I tried to apply to Pitzer College and other colleges the same night I was revising it for the last minute check and when I submitted my computer said "failure" and it was like 9:00 here in CA so I think you should submit before night comes.)

I personally like the first one the best. Why? It is a little more focused in the activity, even though the second one says your possible college major which I think you could include in your first essay.

"Ha-ssa-ran-gni." The tiny Sri Lankan girl in front of me giggles delightfully at my fifth failed attempt to pronounce her name. I frown comically and express my confusion, and gesture her to teach me once more. "Haa-ssa-raang-gni!" I don't see the difference, but try mouthing the words again anyways just for the joy of pleasing the little lady and for the sake having fun together.

Many of the times during Social Service Club, I had to communicate and play with small local children like Hasarangani who I didn't share a language with. At first, the challenge would seem daunting, but with a little patience and perseverance and careful attention , a language barrier could not stop us from enjoying a pleasant time together. The pride that I can help somebody and the joy of seeing another child depart with a satisfied smile brings me back for more. As I said before, if you include your possible major it would be excellent. Good luck! Can you revise mines please: FPU... and SKidmore... Thank you in advance

excellent, this is a great little way to connect with the reader. My curiosity compelled me to go back and read the name again...

I like the first one.

The second is well-written, but the first is so well-written that it is entertaining to read, really rewarding.