Common App Short Answer - Xiangqi (Chinese Chess)

"Please briefly elaborate (150 words or fewer) on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experiences).

I have a passion for mentally challenging activities. This is why Xiangqi, or Chinese Chess, is my favorite pastime. I have played it for five years. Through Xiangqi, I have improved my logical-thinking and become humble and patient.

Victory used to mean everything to me. Through Xiangqi, I learned to embrace defeat over victory and value mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable with each move, a reality to chance theory, as each randomized event may have unexpected consequences. In Xiangqi, one careless move can cost the whole game. It is more important to recognize my mistakes and learn not to repeat the same mistake twice.

Xiangqi equates how we all lead life. Life is also full of unknowns, and unknowns lead to making mistakes and blunders. Each move is a sequence of life; each game a lesson in life. I have accepted failure as the mother of success.

1. An suggested ending sentence.

2. Grammar check.

3. Any other changes.

Please help and I'll help yours (link). Thank you and merry christmas!

"Life is also full of unknowns and unknowns lead to making mistakes and blunders."
Did you mean to put 'unknowns' in twice? ;)
"This is why Xiangqi,or Chinese Chess, is my favorite pastime."

"a reality to chance theory." What do you mean by this? It's somewhat unclear.

Otherwise good; I've never even heard of Xiangqi! You learn something new every day, I guess! You could wrap up with something along the lines of 'when I encounter the unexpected in life, I reflect on the calculated game of Xianqi, and choose my next move."

Hey, thanks. You're right - that sentence is opaque.

And if you also a few minutes to spare xP, please check out my Carnegie Supplementary essay:

And if you want to learn more: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xiangqi
It's pretty popular in Hong Kong and East Asia, but not well-known in US or Western countries, but similar to International Chess.

I have played it for five years
I know this is really minor, but you should spell out all numbers one through nine. At least that's what my English teacher is really OCD about.

Victory used to mean everything to me but through Xiangq
It might flow better this way. It really doesn't make that much of a difference, but whatever.

But it is more important to learn by recognizing my mistakes and learn not to repeat the same mistake twice .
Don't use 'learn' in the same sentence twice.

Life is also full of unknowns, and unknowns lead to making mistakes and blunder
Maybe something like, "These blunders, however, don't always cost the whole game. Xiangqi has taught me blah blah blah..." after that sentence.

And I'm not sure what a good closing sentence would be, but I'm sure you'll think of a good one soon!

Thanks Mel for the help. Finally thought how to end this nightmare.

delete "value mistake" or move it before "value...." if you would like to.