Common app supplement to BUCKNELL, any suggestions?

Hello everyone!

I have tried to write response to 2 Bucknell Questions. Here they are .. PLEASE help by editing the responses. and posting suggestions for further improvement..

Your choice of major will shape your learning experience at Bucknell and, ultimately, your future. Please explain why you are interested in the major or majors that you noted in the above section. If you have not indicated a major, please explain why you prefer to be ''undecided'' at this time.

Studying Management is a dream that I have in me for over 7 years now and there is no better place to study management than at the Bucknell University. Bucknell's rural setting, vast campus and hundreds of clubs have really attracted me towards itself. Another reason for me being interested in management is my dad. He himself is an M.B.A. and he encourages me to study management. He often says that bussiness world is full of opportunities, but to be a successful entrepreneur, you have to take risks but the sense of satisfaction felt after achieving your goal in the business world is indefinble. I think that in today's world of challenges and hurdles, only Bucknell's business education can prepare an individual to face the world with innovative plans of high success potential.

What are the three most important things your future faculty and classmates should know about you? (75-150 words total)

If anybody should know the three most important things about me then these three things would be that I am very curious, i am a risk taker and that i can go any far in helping someone in need. Curiousity is a trait with which I am gifted by god. Curiousity has also helped in in unraveling the mysteries of certain processes which were extremely difficult for me to understand. Another thing that people should know about me is that I am a risk taker. I love to take positive risks. This risk taking habit has helped me a lot in knowing my capabilities. The last and the most important thing which everybody should know about me is that I am extremely helpful and i can work day and nights to help a person in need. I have volunteered several times and the more I volunteer, the more helpful I become by nature.

PLEASE HELP.. please provide suggestions for further improvement..

THANK YOU...

Ill just do the second response

"i can go any far in helping someone in need"

"Curiousity is a trait with which I am gifted by god."
I dont know if you should bring up god in an essay like this. And attributing a good trait to god isnt something they want to hear. Maybe write why your curious instead.

"I have volunteered several times"
several doesnt sound like a lot to me

there is an arrogance i sense in the response.

thank you very much .. it was a great help..

Thanks.

Studying Management is a dream that I have had for over 7 years now and there is no better place to study management than at the Bucknell University. Bucknell's rural setting, vast campus and hundreds of clubs have really attracted me to it .

He often says that the business world is full of opportunities, but to be a successful entrepreneur, you have to take risks, but the sense of satisfaction felt after achieving your goal in the business world is indefinable .

If anybody would like know the three most important things about me, these three things would be that I am very curious, i am a risk taker and that i can go very far in helping someone in need.

Curiosity is a trait with which I am gifted by god. Curiosity has also helped in in unraveling the mysteries of certain processes which were extremely difficult for me to understand.

The last and the most important thing which everybody should know about me is that I am extremely helpful and I can work day and night to help a person in need. I have volunteered several times and the more I volunteer, the more helpful I become by nature.

Good luck!!:)