Common app prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Please help shape up and correct any mistakes I have in there, Thanks for helping.
HOW TO CRASH A COMPUTER
My favorite scene in the movie Iron Man 2 is the one in which Tony Stark discovers the new element Vibranium. It just excites me the way he manipulates the hologram and works with J.A.R.V.I.S., an artificial intelligence program that he created by himself as if it were his lab partner. To me, that is the true meaning of computer science; taking a problem, finding a way to fix it, and fixing it. In Tony's case, his problem was the lack of a better arc reactor for his armored suits. My love for computer science is something that has been with me since birth, and in Ghana, where I grew up, you're considered successful if only you're a politician, a pilot, an engineer, a soldier, a doctor, a lawyer or a wealthy businessman and so there is no room for people like me who are passionate about majors such as computer science since these are considered quite atypical. I do understand this point of view because my country is very behind in terms of technology, no matter how much we think we're caught up. Windows 98 and XP are still the commonly used operating systems around and the average download speed in the country is 4 megabytes per second. This major is usually frowned upon by everyone simply because there are not enough jobs for graduates with degrees in computer science.
My family regularly goes out to see our relatives during the Holidays, and on the Christmas of 2006, during a short visit at my uncle's home, I was wandering around his house, looking for nothing, really. I discovered a tiny door around the back of the house; a room where my uncle kept his all of his old books. In this mysterious hidden room, I found a book titled: Windows User's Guide to DOS: Using the Command Line in Windows 95/98. The book, which was published in 1999, seemed scary at first because it had all the complicated language that I thought was meant for the tech gurus such as Bill Gates, but then again, my adventurous young mind was very eager to try them on a computer. My uncle let me keep the book. The following day, I went to an internet café with some change I had, and the book, which I had placed in my schoolbag. As I pulled my book out in front of the computer I had chosen, the older people around looked at me like I had cats dancing atop my head, probably wondering what business a seven-year-old had in an internet café and what he was going to do with the giant book he was pulling out of his bag. I followed the instructions in the book correctly and typed "command" in the run dialog box. I run a few commands and I was frankly shocked at how quickly I accessed specific locations using command lines only. I wondered if I could delete anything. I created a blank file in the documents folder and tried to delete it using command line only. I followed the instructions in the book. I entered my prompts. I pushed the enter button. The computer screen went black after a dozen seconds. I had successfully crashed a computer for the first time.
Luckily, I didn't cause any major damage, and the man in charge let me off the leash. I assumed it was a mistake I made in my prompts, I probably forgot something I needed to add, or added something I shouldn't have. Since I had no computer of my own, and the owner of the café had all eyes on me, I had no outlet I could use to find the error in my prompts.
I moved to the United States in 2015. The land of opportunity. I have all access to the best education. I am closer to tech geniuses I admire and want to meet. I have access to the very latest in technology the world has to offer, and I intend to use the opportunity that has been given to me to pursue my dream of becoming a software engineer, and hopefully, to cause fewer computers to crash.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Leslie, this essay tends to wander in terms of discussion. I am assuming that this is your first draft of this essay and that you are a work in progress in terms of this essay. The first thing you have to do is remove the paragraph about Iron Man. The whole paragraph. In order to make this an effective background story, you need to open with the focus directly on you. Which is what happens in the second paragraph. The essay takes on a life of its own at that point. It becomes highly informative and shows a clear excitement on your part about why you want to become a computer major.
Word of caution though, remove the reference to being 7 years old at the time of the computer crash. The age when you experienced something does not matter as much as the experience that you received. So, rather than having the reviewer question your age in relation to an almost child prodigy like experience, which makes him question the validity of your narrative, just bring his focus to the prompt discussion at all times.
