This is my common application essay in response to the prompt: a creative work that has influenced you (in my a case a film). I am applying to Amherst and other colleges in that range, so I would truly truly appreciate as much critical feedback as possible. Also, I am very curious as to your overall response to the essay as a whole (do you get a sense of me as an person, and is this a good impression). The film that influenced me was Mamma Mia- I know often criticized as unrealistic/superficial/silly etc. but it truly made an unimaginable difference in my life and my recollection of the experience is written from the heart. But for this reason I want to ensure it doesn't come across as naive or superficial.
I am not 100% sure about the flow between and within the first 3 paragraphs, but the sentences I am very uncomfortable with are highlighted in red. Any suggested on how to convey the ideas more effectively will be mush appreciated. Also, the bit in red at the end I do like, but am not sure if it is 100% necessary.
I think I may have gone a bit overboard with my punctuation, so if anyone would be willing to review this for me, that would be great!
The title thus far is Mamma Mia!, because of the title of the film, but also because it deals with my relationship with my mother. Any other suggestions are welcomed!
Thank you so much to those that take the time to review my essay! x
Here goes..
My mother never told me about my father, and I never asked. We have always lived on our own, very much to our own tune, being by default what you would consider "close." Each Tuesday she would let me decide on the evening's take-out and every night she would tuck me in with our secret prayer, but there was one thing we never really did: talk.For as long as I can remember, my mother and I never opened up to each other about our feelings towards each other or the happenings of our lives. Perhaps it was because we never felt the need to, or when she returned home from work at the end of long day, there just wasn't any time, but I didn't really mind. Despite our unconventional relationship, I never felt as though I was missing out on anything.
My mother does have a boyfriend, Andre. They have been together for over twelve years. In fact, it is difficult for me to distinctly remember a time when Andre was not part of our lives. Between expensive and exotic gifts, as a child there was no shortage of evidence of everything he did for us, but as I got older I began to see the true complexity of their relationship. Plans of moving in together would constantly be tossed between them, only to met with a hidden disagreement and three weeks without seeing each other. One week he would company me to the latest "father/daughter" event at school and the next it was a though we had never even met him. But he always came back. For many years the possibility of marriage hung in the air; a possibility I had always been quite comfortable with, for if it made me mother happy, I tried my best not to interfere. Still my mother and I never confronted each other about the inner workings of our lives or hearts and continued to fall deeper into silent routine.
One afternoon Andre called me into the living room and told me that he wanted to adopt me. He said I didn't have to decide right away, but that my mother and he had decided that what they had was forever. Please do not think me ungrateful, but this smothered me as a daunting proposition. I was afraid that if I refused I would be responsible for their separation. Unable to tell mother for fear of what she would try to convince me to do, I grew further angry at her because we never talked. Our fights became more routine and unsubstantiated. Not wanting to be the cause of disaster, I grew increasingly afraid of confrontation and began to focus all my attention on avoiding both Andre and my mother altogether. Finally the gaps in the foundation of our relationship had become too many and it was though all the silence that had accumulated over the years had come crumbling down and was now simultaneously crushing me. The rift between my mother and I grew wider and wider and for the first time in my life, I found myself wishing for that other, unknown half.
Then one evening, two of my friends took me to see Mamma Mia!, the film. It was the opening weekend and I had no knowledge of the plot of the film, only that it was a musical. It is the story of a girl, Sophie, who is getting married. After reading her mother's old diary in search of the father she never knew, she invites her three possible fathers to her wedding. The lights dimmed and the first notes of I Have a Dream echoed through the cinema. For just that hour and forty eight minutes it was a though the whole world no longer existed and fate worked its trick on my life. It would be exaggeration to claim that Mamma Mia! is the story of my life, but it was impossible for me to ignore the parallels. I saw that in spite of the overwhelming predicament the characters found themselves in, they still managed to dance and sing and smile at life, at themselves, and at the realization that everything they really needed was besides them the entire time. At the end of the film, when the whole audience was singing along and dancing carelessly to Waterloo, I remember feeling, for the first time in a long time, truly and undeniably happy, and just knowing that everything was going to be okay.
When I arrived home that same evening, my mother told me that she knew that Andre had asked to adopt me and wanted to why I hadn't given him an answer yet. Finally I was able to break the silence and for the first time since I can remember, really spoke to her.
It is still difficult to define exactly what magic was performed on our relationship. I took her to see the film the next evening and it was as though an invisible thread had silently begun mending the holes in us. Mamma Mia gave me strength to speak the words I had so desperately needed to and made up for the ones I was not yet able to. Because of the nature of their relationship, Andre could never be my father. I know he is a good man and am still grateful for the role he has played in my life, but a legal document would not change it. I know that all my mother wanted to do was give me a full life, but what Mamma Mia helped me realize was that I already had one.
There are many things in my life I will never understand, and perhaps I am not supposed to, but I am proud of where I come from and where I know I am going. My childhood may not have been perfect, but it brought me to where I am today, which as far as I can tell is a truly incredible place. My mother will always be a part of me and everything she has given me had shaped me into the person I am now. In my eighteen years, I have known more love and beauty than most people experience in their entire lifetimes, and I forgot that. I had become so busy being angry at my mother for not being there, when she was the one who originally chose to stay.
I will admit that when people would tell me that a movie had radically changed their life, I too was a skeptic. But I believe that revelations of this magnitude are so rare in life, I am glad to have had one at all, regardless of where it stemmed from. Now, whenever I feel myself losing sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, I can simply hum the tune of Dancing Queen or Honey Honey and know that everything will be alright. I am reminded that no matter how hopeless a situation may seem, there is always something to smile about. Sophie's story has made me realize that life does not obey our expectations; its mystery is pure and absolute, but that there is so much beauty to be found everywhere around us, if we only choose to see it.
As for my mother, our relationship still isn't perfect and it probably never will be, but we are working on it with a new understanding and appreciation for each other. My mother and Andre are still seeing each other.
Orson Swett Marden once said: "Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great." Mamma Mia showed me that.
No matter what, there is always something.
I am not 100% sure about the flow between and within the first 3 paragraphs, but the sentences I am very uncomfortable with are highlighted in red. Any suggested on how to convey the ideas more effectively will be mush appreciated. Also, the bit in red at the end I do like, but am not sure if it is 100% necessary.
I think I may have gone a bit overboard with my punctuation, so if anyone would be willing to review this for me, that would be great!
The title thus far is Mamma Mia!, because of the title of the film, but also because it deals with my relationship with my mother. Any other suggestions are welcomed!
Thank you so much to those that take the time to review my essay! x
Here goes..
My mother never told me about my father, and I never asked. We have always lived on our own, very much to our own tune, being by default what you would consider "close." Each Tuesday she would let me decide on the evening's take-out and every night she would tuck me in with our secret prayer, but there was one thing we never really did: talk.For as long as I can remember, my mother and I never opened up to each other about our feelings towards each other or the happenings of our lives. Perhaps it was because we never felt the need to, or when she returned home from work at the end of long day, there just wasn't any time, but I didn't really mind. Despite our unconventional relationship, I never felt as though I was missing out on anything.
My mother does have a boyfriend, Andre. They have been together for over twelve years. In fact, it is difficult for me to distinctly remember a time when Andre was not part of our lives. Between expensive and exotic gifts, as a child there was no shortage of evidence of everything he did for us, but as I got older I began to see the true complexity of their relationship. Plans of moving in together would constantly be tossed between them, only to met with a hidden disagreement and three weeks without seeing each other. One week he would company me to the latest "father/daughter" event at school and the next it was a though we had never even met him. But he always came back. For many years the possibility of marriage hung in the air; a possibility I had always been quite comfortable with, for if it made me mother happy, I tried my best not to interfere. Still my mother and I never confronted each other about the inner workings of our lives or hearts and continued to fall deeper into silent routine.
One afternoon Andre called me into the living room and told me that he wanted to adopt me. He said I didn't have to decide right away, but that my mother and he had decided that what they had was forever. Please do not think me ungrateful, but this smothered me as a daunting proposition. I was afraid that if I refused I would be responsible for their separation. Unable to tell mother for fear of what she would try to convince me to do, I grew further angry at her because we never talked. Our fights became more routine and unsubstantiated. Not wanting to be the cause of disaster, I grew increasingly afraid of confrontation and began to focus all my attention on avoiding both Andre and my mother altogether. Finally the gaps in the foundation of our relationship had become too many and it was though all the silence that had accumulated over the years had come crumbling down and was now simultaneously crushing me. The rift between my mother and I grew wider and wider and for the first time in my life, I found myself wishing for that other, unknown half.
Then one evening, two of my friends took me to see Mamma Mia!, the film. It was the opening weekend and I had no knowledge of the plot of the film, only that it was a musical. It is the story of a girl, Sophie, who is getting married. After reading her mother's old diary in search of the father she never knew, she invites her three possible fathers to her wedding. The lights dimmed and the first notes of I Have a Dream echoed through the cinema. For just that hour and forty eight minutes it was a though the whole world no longer existed and fate worked its trick on my life. It would be exaggeration to claim that Mamma Mia! is the story of my life, but it was impossible for me to ignore the parallels. I saw that in spite of the overwhelming predicament the characters found themselves in, they still managed to dance and sing and smile at life, at themselves, and at the realization that everything they really needed was besides them the entire time. At the end of the film, when the whole audience was singing along and dancing carelessly to Waterloo, I remember feeling, for the first time in a long time, truly and undeniably happy, and just knowing that everything was going to be okay.
When I arrived home that same evening, my mother told me that she knew that Andre had asked to adopt me and wanted to why I hadn't given him an answer yet. Finally I was able to break the silence and for the first time since I can remember, really spoke to her.
It is still difficult to define exactly what magic was performed on our relationship. I took her to see the film the next evening and it was as though an invisible thread had silently begun mending the holes in us. Mamma Mia gave me strength to speak the words I had so desperately needed to and made up for the ones I was not yet able to. Because of the nature of their relationship, Andre could never be my father. I know he is a good man and am still grateful for the role he has played in my life, but a legal document would not change it. I know that all my mother wanted to do was give me a full life, but what Mamma Mia helped me realize was that I already had one.
There are many things in my life I will never understand, and perhaps I am not supposed to, but I am proud of where I come from and where I know I am going. My childhood may not have been perfect, but it brought me to where I am today, which as far as I can tell is a truly incredible place. My mother will always be a part of me and everything she has given me had shaped me into the person I am now. In my eighteen years, I have known more love and beauty than most people experience in their entire lifetimes, and I forgot that. I had become so busy being angry at my mother for not being there, when she was the one who originally chose to stay.
I will admit that when people would tell me that a movie had radically changed their life, I too was a skeptic. But I believe that revelations of this magnitude are so rare in life, I am glad to have had one at all, regardless of where it stemmed from. Now, whenever I feel myself losing sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, I can simply hum the tune of Dancing Queen or Honey Honey and know that everything will be alright. I am reminded that no matter how hopeless a situation may seem, there is always something to smile about. Sophie's story has made me realize that life does not obey our expectations; its mystery is pure and absolute, but that there is so much beauty to be found everywhere around us, if we only choose to see it.
As for my mother, our relationship still isn't perfect and it probably never will be, but we are working on it with a new understanding and appreciation for each other. My mother and Andre are still seeing each other.
Orson Swett Marden once said: "Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great." Mamma Mia showed me that.
No matter what, there is always something.
