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Common App- Describe a place or environment essay!! Advice?



aimank 1 / -  
Oct 20, 2014   #1
As the clock strikes 9:30 on a normal Sunday morning, I'm running out the door of my house a disheveled mess, kicking myself for not setting my alarm earlier. That's the typical start to my Sunday every week of the school year, heading to sunday school. Most people would think that waking up at eight on the weekend is an ungodly thing to do, but it doesn't seem like such a sacrifice when your destination is one you love going to. I've been assistant teaching at the Islamic Society of Central Jersey, or ISCJ, Weekend School for four years now, seeing people come and go, and I can say with confidence that there is no place quite like it.

The Islamic Society of Central Jersey isn't your average building. People driving by would see the huge golden dome jutting out from the roof and the girls walking around in headscarves, or hijabs, and wonder what the heck goes on in that building. I wish I could take each one of them inside and show them the wonderful things that go on there. I'd show them the beautiful carpet untouched by shoes on which we pray, and the classrooms where children learn more about their religion, as well as how to be better people, every week. I'd show them the PTA moms who work extremely hard to make sure everything gets done, and I couldn't let them leave without showing them the new building that was built with the help of donations from our loyal and generous community. But no matter what I'd show them, it would be impossible to miss why I feel content in and love such a place.

From the way its described, it seems like I walk into the school floating on clouds, but thats not always the case. Sometimes I don't want to wake up early in the morning, or I have a lot of homework due the next day. But I think the contentedness I achieve from this place has a lot to do with the fact that its an escape, and that makes it worth it. When I'm helping first graders memorize verses from our Holy Book, the Quran, or reading them an old story about Islam, I'm not thinking about how much stress I'm under because of school, or that silly argument I got into with my friend the other day. My whole life I've wanted to make a difference in other peoples' lives, which is probably why I want to go into medicine, and knowing that I make even a small one by teaching the kids at sunday school gives me a sense of fulfillment like no other.

Although I am supposed to be the person educating children at ISCJ, not a week goes by that I don't learn something from the kids. They might think that I'm just another of many teachers in their lives, but those children inspire me every week. They astonish me with the knowledge they have in their little 5 year old brains, reciting verses and stories to me that even I don't know.

Being there reminds of me of what I believe in and what I value, which are things that could easily be forgotten in the blur of the week. It reminds me to be grateful for everything, to always be honest, and to give back, among other things. Volunteering at the weekend school has taught me to be a leader and to take responsibility. Not only that, but its a chance for my family and I to be in one place at the same time for the same reasons, which is extremely important to me although it's not always possible. It's not always the most quiet or orderly, but even through the occasional chaos, there's no place I feel more content.

CaptainCook 6 / 14  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
heading to sunday school the S in Sunday must be in capital letters.

Try to not use contractions such as that'd, i'd etc because this is a formal essay.
djgvolt 3 / 4  
Oct 21, 2014   #3
You can develop the essay a little further by trimming the content. The general substance of the essay is good, but if you can remove all the superfluous language, it will be a smoother read that admissions officers will hopefully like better. As a rule of thumb, go back, read every sentence, and ask yourself, do I need to include this sentence (what purpose does it serve) and if so, can I rephrase this sentence to make it more understandable. The essay reads like a stream of consciousness right now (superfluous and jarring) , and if you follow the above steps, it will be a clearer read


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