I need to elaborate on one of my extracurricular activities for the short answer question on the Common Application. This is my first attempt in answering and I would appreciate any input or suggestions. Thanks.
Of all the extracurricular activities I am involved in, the one I enjoy the most is football. I have loved this game ever since I was a young boy and my Dad painted lines in our backyard for neighborhood games. This sport has taught me many life lessons and has helped shape me into the young man I am today. One of the biggest lessons I have learned from football is that I have to work very hard if I want to be successful. I must train and push myself to excel on the football field by practicing with my teammates, lifting weights, and running. The same is true off the field. Whether studying in school, working a part-time job, or some day raising my own family, I realize that I have to give my best effort in all that I do in order to be successfull in life.
That's ok, but it could apply to almost anything. Why football?
You could talk more about teamwork, using intelligence to solve problems, taking things as they come, having an awareness of those around you.
Football is hard, and takes skill to play well. And it takes extraordinary ability to lose gracefully. those are qualities you'll need in college, too.
Thanks. I appreciate the feedback. I have some more work to do!
I think you should be more specific about why or how this sport has taught you life lessons and shaped you. maybe add a short anecdote, if space permits.
i hope that helps! =)
Here's a revision- Thanks!
Of all the extracurricular activities I am involved in, the one I enjoy the most is football. I have loved this game ever since I was a young boy, and my Dad painted lines in our backyard. This sport has taught me many life lessons and has helped shape me into the young man I am today. Football requires skill, hard work, teamwork, and a positive attitude. As Captain and Quarterback, I have also developed leadership skills, which include teaching younger players and also having the ability to adapt with a change in strategy during games. These lessons and skills are useful off the field as well. Whether studying in school, working a part-time job; or some day raising my own family and having a career; I realize that the lessons I have learned and the enjoyment I have had in football will help me succeed in life.
The ideas sound ok, but I don't know about the flowing. It sounds too... quick, too rush. Maybe you can focus on 1 MAIN skill of football?
Thank you for the advice, ebby2010 and jamespotter_z7- I have tried to focus on one main lesson learned and explained more about how I learned this. I'm not sure about punctuation-
The extracurricular activity I enjoy most is football. I have loved this game ever since I was a young boy, and my Dad painted lines in our backyard for neighborhood games. This sport has taught me many life lessons and has helped shape me into the young man I am today. One of the main lessons I have learned is that hard work can be even more important than ability when facing challenges. I have always naturally been good at playing wide receiver because of my speed and ability to catch. However, I serve as quarterback, since this is where I am needed most. Although it has not been as easy for me at the quarterback position; by working hard with my teammates, and putting in extra time to develop the skills needed for this position; I have helped my team have success on the field. I realize through my football experience that working hard will also help me overcome any challenges I encounter in life.
"Although it has not been as easy for me at the quarterback position. I had to work hard with my teammates and put in extra time to develop the skills needed for this position; I have helped my team have success on the field."
all the punctuations in that sentence is confusing so maybe this sounds better:
Being (Serving?) at the quarterback position has not been easy for me; I had to work hard with my teammates and put in extra time to develop the skills needed for this position. However, my effort payed off, because I helped my team have success on the field.
You made some really good revisions. I think you have a really strong answer now =)
Much better, and I think that all the comments from everybody helped.
You're on the right track now.
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