I am having trouble figuring out which prompt this essay might answer so here are both.
Option #1: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
OR
Option #5: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Bollywood bhangra beats assailed my ears. I sat bedecked in a beautiful blue sari at the farewell ceremony for my batch.
The senior awards ceremony was over, yet I kept replaying the feeling of pride and utter contentment as I saw myself as I had always wanted to. My new self reflected in the eyes of my teachers who had helped me get to where I stood. My eyes immediately found my dad, the person who guided the lost girl to find her way back to herself.
I fingered the blue satin of my sashes that read "Best in Academics" and "Best outgoing student". Thoughts of my mother spring unbidden to my mind. With her comes the frightened, little girl that I have been ignoring for the past five years. I try to push the unwelcome thoughts out but the dam has cracked and all my repressed memories come flooding back. Watching California recede through the rear car window with all my goodbyes still on my lips, the sudden return to India and the futile divorce battle - all swirling around in me, gaining momentum like a hurricane. I excused myself and walked out.
I found myself on the stage of the auditorium. The scene fades to one of my most intense memories- Turncoat, the annual debate. It was the first time I had gotten up on stage after it all happened. My dry throat and warring feelings of flight and fright made it impossible to move. I opened my mouth and launched into the speech that my mirror had heard over a thousand times. I still remember the applause.
The frightened girl who has followed me whispers "I don't have that confidence."
Walking along the corridor, my feet stop at the computer lab. Laughter comes through the windows of my memory. I and my friends sit huddled around two computers sorting through photographs. Each photograph brings with it a nostalgic recollection of the exact situations of each click. I fish something yellow and rubbery out of my pocket and gently place it on the one sitting next to me. "Lizard!" the scream brings laughter easier now than it did then. The frightened little girl whispers "I never laughed like that."
I reach the courtyard where I had anchored our school's annual day. No write up this time. The sand of the throw-ball court causes my muscles to tense as my body waits to catch the unseen ball. I hear the band playing the slow march as I turn to see myself dressed in white and marching with the school flag flapping in my arms. I see the love in my father's eyes as he frantically clicks pictures of the prefects' ceremony and my official badging. The frightened girl wails, "I will never be so trusted."
My reverie snaps as I realize the music has stopped upstairs. I take one last look at the birthplace of my identity, my new self, someone who I built, someone I am proud to be. I look at the gates and know that a better person than the one who entered leaves. The little girl whimpers," I am so afraid."
I reach the hall as the headmistress announces my name. "With that, I would like to call upon Ms. Shrunga Malavalli , head girl of 2011-12 to say her final words as a student of this institution.
All eyes are on me. The frightened little girl silently wills me not to go. For the first and the last time, I whisper back, "I am not you anymore."
I live in India, so no graduations just a farewell. Is it a good essay ? Positive, negative or meh ? any suggestions would help. Also I am struggling with tense a lot. Is the rest of it okay ?
This essay has potential but it reads very cluttered and unstructured. Try to keep these essays clean, clear and concise. You have painted a lot of imagery here in this essay, but for it to be as powerful as it can be, you need to clearly state milestones. This essay read more like someone who has overcome a fear rather than a transition from childhood into adulthood. You need to add stronger elements of three separate stages. 1)Childhood, 2)Actual transition event 3)Post transition Adulthood. There needs to be a CLEAR juxtaposition between stage 1 & 3 to effectively answer this prompt.- Admissions Advice Online
