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Common App Essay: To fly or not to fly



glamazing 4 / 11  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Do you think it works? Any comments are greatly appreciated.

Like every other child in the world, when I was young, I wanted to fly. Inspired by my favorite cartoon character; Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story, I would spread my arms and imagine soaring over the rooftops looking down on the intricate details of the ethereal world below. However, my youthful dreams were not to be long lived, and unfortunately for me, I was forced to come to terms with reality quite early in my life. I was seven years old when I accidentally fell off a first floor balcony. For a few moments, my family thought I'd died and needless to say, it was quite a traumatic experience for all parties involved, but I managed to escape unscathed. I had a cast on my leg, but seven year old me recognized that as more of a trophy of recognition for bravery than a symbol of misfortune.

While the claim that this experience, one that I had absolutely no control over, was one of the most telling moments of my life might undoubtedly seem somewhat absurd, I choose to do so because of the simple reason that in many ways, it effectively epitomizes the underlying approach I have always had towards life.

I consider myself an incredibly fortunate individual; and I don't make that assertion simply because of the knowledge that I fell off a twenty foot high balcony and survived. Ever since I was a young girl, my parents have showed me that the things I had in my life were not things I could take for granted. I have always lived with the knowledge that, whether it is the materialistic possessions; the roof over my head, the clothes I wear, the meals I have, or even simply the experiences I have each day, each aspect of my life is something to be valued. Whether the good times or the potential tragedies, I treasure each experience with the same sense of pervading happiness that stems from the simple reason that I have so much to appreciate.

I learned that most of the time, I don't have any control over the circumstances of my life. There will be moments when life knocks me down- possibly quite literally; and these are not things that I am able to change. But with each fall, I get back up, stronger and taller than I was before, more ready than ever to face any new obstacle that may lie ahead. The ability to react to these situations and the power to overcome them lies entirely in my hands. I know that, in being able to appreciate the things I have for what they are, I am able to open myself to a new realm of possibilities. My dreams of ever being able to fly might have been prematurely shattered but I know that, if I play my cards right, I have a free ride to contentment, and it'll take me there before I can say 'To infinity and beyond!'

Jerlynn 3 / 26  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
needless to say, it was quite a traumatic experience for all parties involved

I like this part. despite the severity of the issue, i actually laughed.

but seven year old me

I am rather bad at grammar but i think you should add "the" in between "but" and "seven"

While the claim that this experience, one that I had absolutely no control over, was one of the most telling moments of my life might undoubtedly seem somewhat absurd, I choose to do so because of the simple reason that in many ways, it effectively epitomizes the underlying approach I have always had towards life.

I think it's a lil too long.

I like your concluding sentence. Overall i think it's good but maybe a little more details and specifics in second and third paragraph? cheers!
gris_pereyra 4 / 25  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
i think it's really good. the only thing im iffy about is the opening statement about flying. a little too cliche. why not start with the buzz lightyear sentence instead? just a suggestion :)

good luck with it and i would appreciate it if you could read mine over! (intellectual vitality)


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