so i'm pretty bad with english, especially essay writing so i would greatly appreciate it of you guys could help me with my application essay.
what should i change about it, if its good, if it bad, how can i make it better, etc.
BE COMPLETELY HONEST. PLEASE.
Also, im somewhat stuck on a conclusion at the moment so any ideas would be really helpful
thanks a lot guys =)
this is for the common app and i chose the pick your own topic.
I'm standing on the cliff, so close to the edge that any gust of wind can knock me off. I look down and see everything I stoodstand for; all my hopes and dreams floating in my vision scope. I sense a crowd of people behind me, shouting and screaming. But little do they know that theretheir presence is not needed. No one can bring me back now, only I can save myself. As I close my eyes and take Ia deep a deep breath, I think about what I have accomplished and what I'm going to accomplish . A smile begins to form upon my face. I smile because although my past hasn't been the best, I'm determined to create a better future for myself.
Growing up wasn't always the best. [Try coming up with a better transition sentence. Sure, it wasn't the best. Perhaps you're trying to say growing up wasn't always easy?] My parents separated when I was 5 and I was too young to actually understand the separation. But it always made me feel "black sheep" with my extended family. My mom was the only one at birthdays and holydaysholidayswithout a husband; All my other cousins had their mom and dad with them. I have a large family and with that came large expectations and traditions. My family[repetition.] already had me and everyone else molded out into whom we were supposed to be. But I didn't fall into the mold; I wasn't who they wished for me to be. I was a girl who looked at things differently and expressed my ideas liberally through my personality and appearance. I was different. My family always put me down because of those things and that's where I'd turn to my friends. My friends count for a lot ofare my support system. Whereas,Though, it's usually the other way around, family before friends; for me friends always came first.
The people who I've chose to surround myself around, my friends, are the one that have had the greatest impact on my life. Not my mother, father, grandp arents, or some iconic historic figure. My friends have always taught me to be completely comfortable with who I am. They may have known they were doing so but by just being wonderful people they've made me who I am; t he strong-minded, determined, quirky, fun and independent individual I am now. I got by with a little help from my friends.