Common App essay, information systems specific. Custom prompt "IT"

Any and all comments would help. Specifically I was wondering about the length and how the epiphany moment hit you.

IT

At the age of ten, I sat in front of a computer, staring at my electronic masterpiece. A picture on the screen reflected my contemplative stare into the monitor. I was captivated with my portrait superimposed on a turquoise background with Times New Roman font centering the name "Stephen" near the top. I just discovered the ability to build a web page for the Internet and share information with the world. While it may have crossed my mind, the entire process of uploading the files was not my concern due to lingering disbelief of my own webpage being online. I grew hugely fascinated by the concept of web development. I longed to create a site that rivaled the likes of Google or Yahoo.

At the age of ten, I sat in a waiting room at the doctor's office, fidgeting like any ten year old is compelled to do. The magazines sitting on the table, featuring titles such as Working Mother and Home and Garden, were of little interest to me. I sought to end the monotony of smelling raw disinfectant. My thoughts debated whether the aroma of gingerbread or chocolate chip cookies would be more appropriate for a place that cures people of their illnesses. Walking with the doctor to the exam room, I told him that if scientists could formulate markers that smell like grapes, surely they could invent a disinfectant that tricked your nose to believe there were cookies in the oven. Little did I know, my life was about to be changed forever beyond my control.

Shortly thereafter, I was diagnosed with Chronic Tic Disorder, a mild form of Tourette's Syndrome. It is a neurological disorder that is characterized by motor and vocal "tics", which are movements or sounds that occur intermittently from common behavior. While a person has physical control of his body, he experiences an unwilling desire to perform these tics. It is often easier to give in to this desire than to attempt to fight it. To this day I recognize that the chemicals in my brain are balanced in a specific way and I can not change this. Indeed life must go on.

At the age of ten, I discovered more about myself, but was unable to appreciate this knowledge. I was pursuing an interest that I hope to study in college, and I was beginning to face the demon that I could now recognize.

Over the next few years, I developed a deep and increasingly technical interest in the area of the internet. One day while gazing at our new cable modem, I had an epiphany; I discovered a problem I wanted to solve. If a computer is connected to modem, and the modem is connected to the internet, and the computer can send and receive data to and from the internet, I rationalized that there should not there be any reason to prevent my computer from connecting with others and showing the world what it has to offer. At the time, I had not the slightest clue about hosting websites, or even what a server actually did. I was determined, however to find a way to make my computer a portal for others on the internet.

Over the next few years, I also grew increasingly aware of others' reactions to my tics. The awkward movement of my neck or an exaggerated yawn a few times a day will most often go unnoticed. Most, if not all, strangers do not recognize anything out of the ordinary upon meeting me. If they happen to catch me giving in to the unwanted desire, I would find them offering a confused stare. While offering explanations such as a weird yawn or a kink in my neck, underneath I wondered why these erratic movements were such a big deal.

Upon closer inspection of the Macintosh Operating System, I discovered that there was a built in feature that allowed private hosting of HTML web pages. I quickly enabled this feature and was pleasantly surprised at its abilities. This solution had come five years after I began the task I was not nearly satisfied with my current solution because there were new problems. During junior year, I had created an online personal wiki from the source code used to build Wikipedia. This web site ran on a hosting company server halfway across the country. I decided I should be able to host it myself. The trouble was, these pages required a special language to function, and my personal server solution could not understand languages such as PHP or mySQL.

During the last weeks of this past summer, I hit upon a virtual gold mine. I found a Macintosh application that allows PHP and mySQL, and discovered how to let people view my new server from the Internet. I was so excited about my discovery that I showed my friends. I quickly discovered though, that there might have been a difference between what I wanted and what I did.

While I desired to host my own website, I forgot the simple fact that the laptop I use for schoolwork would be required to run continuously. Also, by allowing the world to see my website, I inadvertently allow people into my local network. For special occasions, this is not a problem. However, long-term use would put a lot of stress on the computer and opening up the network would be inviting an attacker to do damage. In my method, I wanted to experience the process of finding solutions. Throughout my life, I have been able to discover the answer but often I subsequently realize a new problem.

Most of my friends have found out about it in one way or another, but most decide to not mention it. And there is no reason to. What good comes of focusing on something that holds you back? Why would I dwell on the fact that I do not have server equipment? The only way to overcome obstacles is to persevere and innovate so that they cannot hinder you. I never took medication or was given special accommodations at school; I only used the equipment I already had. I believe that in order to experience any development as a person you must face the situation you are given and find a solution.

I have the ability to reveal to others my deeply personal information. Both my demon and website are indeed nothing more than information. Information cannot harm people, but the effects of revealing IT may be undesirable. The greatest challenge is to decide what you want to reveal, and to whom. IT is about being in control and finding your own solutions.

Here are some corrections regarding comma use:

No comma necessary in this sentence: I found a Macintosh application that allows PHP and mySQL and discovered.

Use 2 commas to separate the dependent clause: I quickly discovered, though, that there might have been...

That stuff is no big deal, though. I like the way you used repitition in the first sentences of the first few paragraphs... "At the age of ten..."

Consider putting two paragraphs together as one as you explain the epiphany: During the last few weeks... what I wanted and what I did... realized a new problem. ALL THAT WOULD BE GOOD AS a single paragraph.

I believe that in order to experience any development as a person one must face the situation you are given and find a solution.

This needs an intro paragraph to explain what it is about. Actually, your last paragraph would make a great intro if you add one more sentence to it -- a sentence that tells the reader plainly what the story is about that you are going to tell.

Also, it would be good to make connections to what you want to do for your college major and for your career. Perhaps you could write a new conclusion para that will make those connections.

Hey, I was diagnosed with Chronic Tic Syndrome as a kid, too, and I still twitch, but not as bad. I notice that my twitciness gives me insight into how focused my state of mind is. Meditation practice helped me to control it and understand it. Sometimes you can breathe through that wied itch that can only be scratched by twitching, breathe through it and smooth everything out. It is weirdly similar to OCD and other compulsive behaviors... I think of it as a blessing, now, because it has taught me a lot about myself. And when other people notice it, it is easy to laugh about it with them. It makes other people feel secure when they see that you have a weird tic, because they know that you won't judge them for their weird quirks..

Good luck!!! You might hae to scratch out some of this... prioritize, and cut it down to size. Write an intro paragraph that establishes the main idea and makes a connection to your college aspirations... and then keep every paragraph focused on that main idea.