common app short (keen on becoming a member of the student body)

hi! i don't quite understand what exactly is to be written in the short essay for the common app.. am i supposed to write about what exactly i did, or more about what i learnt? i have currently done two versions, with a slightly different focus though the language is mostly the same..

any comments on the essays would be much appreciated :) thank you!

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

Version 1:
Ever since I joined high school, I was extremely keen on becoming a member of the student body. The dedication, the bond, the service - it all fascinated me. But I was afraid, afraid of failure, afraid of failing after shamelessly pasting my face on the walls of the college and blatantly canvassing myself. I tried and to my surprise I succeeded. Through the various events that I was involved in, I have developed my ability to communicate and manage people effectively. While I discovered my strengths in my optimism and enthusiasm, I also recognized my weakness - my inability to delegate work, which I hope to work on in college. My humbling experience in a logistical field has taught me to value personal satisfaction more than public recognition and has instilled in me traits of responsibility, determination and perseverance, defining traits of a good leader.

Version 2:
My much awaited enthusiasm about having successful become a member of the student body, after shamelessly pasting my face on the walls, faltered when I heard the news that I would become a blazer quartermaster, the most undesired job in council. I did not want to sit for hours in a musty room full of sweaty blazers, only to serve peers who left without even a hint of appreciation. But what could I do? I had committed myself to serve the school. I started out unhappy, but committed. Gradually, as the days went by, I experienced a moment of epiphany, a moment that would change my outlook on leadership forever. It then hit me than leadership was not positional, but personal. This humbling experience in a logistical field taught me to value personal satisfaction more than public recognition and instilled in me traits of responsibility, determination and perseverance, defining traits of a good leader.

Overall, it's quite hard to write about a life-altering moment in 150 words. Usually people use this space to tell the university about the activity and what it means to you, not the transition you experienced in it. I'm not in a position to tell you what to do, but this is just what I think.

Great! You are a good writer. I only found one error right at the beginning: You can't have much awaited enthusiasm. Write this:

My enthusiasm about having successfully become a member of the student body faltered when I heard that I would become a blazer quartermaster, the most undesired job in the council.

Thanks so much for your help kevin! i'm guessing that the way i have written it is appropriate? the thing is it does not have a lot on what i did exactly

It's the reflection that's more important than the details, it's great!

:)