hello you guys i wrote a common app essay and thought that it would be good if i got some insight as to what i could change any comment is welcome. I will return the favor thanks :)
The Journey with two Omers
"So it looks like I received my acceptance into a university in the US and... we have to move in the next couple of months" Said my father as he addressed our anxious family. Of course within that moment I couldn't contemplate about the future of myself and my family. Within a week of that speech he left Turkey. As for the rest of the family, we stayed with my grandparents. I was thrust into an uncertain future. I didn't want to go to a new country, where the language and the culture were different. I had a great life in my own country, the king of my home in my own rights of course. Before I knew it everyone except for me had left. I was hopelessly left by myself at the age of nine with my grandparents. That is when I coined the term loneliness in my dictionary.
After four months of living with them it was time to take the treacherous journey to the land of freedom. My Aunt and I would travel thousands of miles and reach the Houston international airport in Texas. I still remember my first comment about America "What are these people saying I can't understand anything." I also remember the comment my aunt made right after me, "you think that Americans are strange but watch years later you will be thankful for moving to this country." Of course at that moment my response was "nuhhhh" and I had no clue about the way my future would be shaped.
For approximately 6 years I stayed with my family. I changed five cities, six homes, and eight schools and saw many diverse communities. I saw the best of the southern states and the northern as well. My father loved to travel, so we took numerous journeys across the 48 states. Being a Turkish Immigrant in America was unique in its own ways. The language which I could make no sense out of was now an essential implement that I used every day. My surroundings shaped the way I thought about my culture. I truly could not understand what I was composed of until a crucial event in my life occurred. My father was near the completion of his studies and we were bound to move back. I was speechless; inside of me I grew two very different Omers. One Omer was a pure Turkish cultured grown boy while the other carried the traits of a freedom seeking American.
At that moment I realized that people can only achieve greatness if they pass their inevitable "make or break points" without a scratch. Fortunately I came unscratched and stayed intact throughout the whole process. My family ultimately left the States and I was sent to the quiet corner of Connecticut. In my small but humble boarding school I took every opportunity as presented. I met people from all across the world and sometimes even though we did not agree we always compromised. As for those two little Omers, they still grow to this day. They grow with unity and trust, for a better promised future, lead by the ideals of curiosity. I know that they will succeed and I will walk with them wherever their path might lead. I can assure myself everyday that the two Omers are the ones that define the true me.
The Journey with two Omers
"So it looks like I received my acceptance into a university in the US and... we have to move in the next couple of months" Said my father as he addressed our anxious family. Of course within that moment I couldn't contemplate about the future of myself and my family. Within a week of that speech he left Turkey. As for the rest of the family, we stayed with my grandparents. I was thrust into an uncertain future. I didn't want to go to a new country, where the language and the culture were different. I had a great life in my own country, the king of my home in my own rights of course. Before I knew it everyone except for me had left. I was hopelessly left by myself at the age of nine with my grandparents. That is when I coined the term loneliness in my dictionary.
After four months of living with them it was time to take the treacherous journey to the land of freedom. My Aunt and I would travel thousands of miles and reach the Houston international airport in Texas. I still remember my first comment about America "What are these people saying I can't understand anything." I also remember the comment my aunt made right after me, "you think that Americans are strange but watch years later you will be thankful for moving to this country." Of course at that moment my response was "nuhhhh" and I had no clue about the way my future would be shaped.
For approximately 6 years I stayed with my family. I changed five cities, six homes, and eight schools and saw many diverse communities. I saw the best of the southern states and the northern as well. My father loved to travel, so we took numerous journeys across the 48 states. Being a Turkish Immigrant in America was unique in its own ways. The language which I could make no sense out of was now an essential implement that I used every day. My surroundings shaped the way I thought about my culture. I truly could not understand what I was composed of until a crucial event in my life occurred. My father was near the completion of his studies and we were bound to move back. I was speechless; inside of me I grew two very different Omers. One Omer was a pure Turkish cultured grown boy while the other carried the traits of a freedom seeking American.
At that moment I realized that people can only achieve greatness if they pass their inevitable "make or break points" without a scratch. Fortunately I came unscratched and stayed intact throughout the whole process. My family ultimately left the States and I was sent to the quiet corner of Connecticut. In my small but humble boarding school I took every opportunity as presented. I met people from all across the world and sometimes even though we did not agree we always compromised. As for those two little Omers, they still grow to this day. They grow with unity and trust, for a better promised future, lead by the ideals of curiosity. I know that they will succeed and I will walk with them wherever their path might lead. I can assure myself everyday that the two Omers are the ones that define the true me.