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Common app essay; Science changes the lives of millions around the world

Subhan_Rana 1 / 1  
Dec 23, 2018   #1

My passion for technology

Hello everyone, I've sent my essay to a couple of universities but I think there's still room to improve so any constructive criticism is welcome. :)

Common app essay help. Would someone be kind enough to read it and suggest some improvements.

"How Intel gave Stephen Hawking a voice," the title read. "Is that even possible? Definitely a click-bait," at fourteen, it sounded surreal. Reading that article, I discovered that Intel designed Stephen Hawking's speech computer. The fact that this great man, communicated with the world through a buffer of ingenious design opened my eyes to the true potential of technological development. My search for the ways in which science changes the lives of millions around the world led me through a realm of innovation straight out of Douglas Adams' or Isaac Asimov's mind. From helping physically challenged people to run, to providing clean drinking water straight out of a muddy pond, and letting people who were born without the ability to hear, listen to "four seasons "by Vivaldi for the first time in their lives; the possibilities are limitless. Technology was truly on its way to change what it meant to be human, and I was not going to stand by and watch from the sidelines.

A passion for technology is not one of the things I inherited from my parents, what did pass on, however, was clearly my father's curiosity and my mother's sense of altruism. Every day after school, I would rush back home, grab a screwdriver and immerse myself in unraveling the mysteries behind each toy. As laborious as it was, it satiated my inner inquisitiveness. Rather than running around kicking a ball all day long, I decided it was my brain that needed the exercise. Each toy I was given was subject to immediate "destruction". While most boasted a simplistic exterior, their interiors, I found, were not too labyrinthine either. The fundamental concept behind each of the devices was simple: Motor(s) powered by a battery or a cell.

Awestruck by the versatility a simple motor offered, I got an urge to make something myself. I started with the simplest of ideas: leverage the rotational function of the motor to make a fan. Grabbing two disposed ice-cream sticks, I fixed them onto a motor. However, their rotational movement generated no wind current. It was then I realized that the fan blades had to be slightly pitched out of their plane in order to push the air molecules forward. With a slight modification I had a eureka moment when the revised contraption started to work perfectly as a personal fan; a much needed item in the hot and humid weather of Lahore. This was the first time I felt the rush of excitement upon engineering something almost from scratch. In that moment, I could only wonder if this was the same feeling Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison had when they succeeded in their experiments or discovered something new!

I have since developed an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. My media feeds are filled with updates about DARPA, ISSDC and various scientific American journal articles. I attend my classes with rapt attention and have even enrolled in extra academic courses. This long cultivated dedication to science and innovation has helped me take my academic results to new heights. However, the real excitement for me lies in reading, researching and tinkering, outside of the ambit of my academic curriculum. Last year, I co-founded the robotics club at SICAS and was the head of the robotics event at Prometheus. To say that it was an exhilarating experience would be a gross understatement, and to say it only deepened my desire to do more, even more so.

Having a skill, like everything else, comes with a responsibility. This realization ignited a flame within me and I found my direction in life. Not a lot of people are lucky enough to make this claim, but those who are have the added advantage of being passionate and dedicated. Qualities I see reflected in each thing I do help further my dream of reaching the heights at which humanity is so clearly meant to soar at.
jamilaaa 1 / 2  
Dec 23, 2018   #2
The essay is very captivating although the ending seems rather rushed. I didn't notice any grammatical errors however.
It's very nice how you were able to mesh your accomplishments and club into the essay.

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