this would be topic of my choice. grammer check please? and i'd really like opinions on the ideas and structure/style. constructive crits please. i want to know if this essay would work or if its fixable or if i'm going to have to rewrite an entirely new one on another idea
thanks!
I've noticed that the world has changed since the last time I looked at it.
The trees have grown shorter; the clouds are no longer as high as they were before. Apples aren't as big as they used to be; the pink wildflowers that grow every summer have never looked so small and far away.
My mother's shadow used to be so long. Now mine matches hers in length.
Even many of my childhood friends have changed. They moved; they drifted; they look another direction and walk away before I can tap their shoulders and ask, "Do you remember me?"
I've kept some; I've lost some; I've found new ones. The hourglass keeps going, and no matter how much sand I try to keep in my fingers, it all runs through the gaps eventually.
But they are still mine. I still own a part of everything I've touched, everywhere I've been, everyone I've spoken to, everything my shadow has trailed upon.
By existing, I've influenced. My being has made imprints on my family, my friends, my teachers, my classmates, just as they have left a shadow on my personality. As I am a part of them, they are a part of me.
Sometimes I wonder, what kind of person would I be if I had never met this person? If that person didn't exist? If this event had never occurred? If something else happened instead? Did coming to this museum change my perspectives? Did hearing this song change me? Will this conversation have an effect on my future self?
But I will never know. And as much as I wonder, as much as I wish for it, the past is not something I can bring back and edit. Every passing second is the final draft of life, which, when put all together, will become a beautiful mural of successes and failures, happiness and sadness, regrets, beliefs, motivations, dreams, aspirations, and faded memories.
The past is like a dream, a dream that determines your present, and your future, which, as quick as anything, suddenly becomes a part of the past too.
Why is it, that the last time I looked at the world, everything was so much bigger? As intimidating as it was before, it was exhilarating; it was an excitement beyond compare. To run through tall grasses and crouch low and become invisible to everything outside. To look up at the big blue sky that never ended even after your neck couldn't reach anymore and feel weightless against the blooming apple tree; to have all the time in the world.
I have changed; I have experienced; I have grown. If, before during that last time I looked at the world, I thought I was invincible, I know now that I am not. If I jumped off the Empire State Building, I would not fly, nor would I float down to safety like a feather. Rather, I'd suffer quite a terrible end.
Yes, the world used to appear to be so much bigger, but now, everything is bigger in a different way. There is so much more to explore, so much more that I've never realized before, the last time I looked at the world. There is the world of music, the world of art, the world of mathematics. There is the world of literature, which grows extensively as each writer writes out the shadows of his thoughts or colors of her imagination. There is the world of history, which grows with each passing second. There is the world of science, the world of mysteries and modern magic, this world that explains anything and everything in existence.
Since the last time I've looked at the world, I have been introduced to the universe, and perhaps that is why the world does not look as large as it was before, because there is something bigger, brighter, a lifetime's worth experience to come.
Hey articbunny, thanks for the help on my essay. It made a huge difference.
[clouds are no longer as high as they were before] you might want to put not as high as they... longer and high do not seem to go together
[Apples aren't] no contractions. you can put apples are no longer
[looked so small and far away.] (this?) small and so distant
[My mother's shadow used to be so long.] so her shadow is no longer long?
[Now mine matches hers in length.] my shadow instead of mine
you can say I used to see my mothers shadow as long. now our shadows match in length.
Even many of my
They moved; they drifted; they looked a different direction and walked away before I could tap their shoulders and ask, "Do you remember me?"
[I've kept some; I've lost some; I've found new ones.] replace it w/ friends
[But they are still mine. ] they who? what? hourgalss, fingers, friends, shadow
[I had never met this person? If that person didn't exist?] a person
WOw! I like your essay. The intro is catching then it drags a little but it is awesome towards the end.
