Common Application Essay- Free Response

I love to debate myself. Yes, it sounds strange but it is something that I love to do. I like to take a topic, usually one that is talked about in the media, and juxtapose both sides of the issue in my mind. I contrast the two stances and see which side has used the best logic to defend its position. Then, I come up with a point of view on the issue with a combination of my mind and my heart. When I finally formulate my opinion I look for an opportunity to discuss the matter with someone, who usually ends up being my mother.

Until recently, I kept these battles, of sorts, in my mind. There were no outlets that I could find to express my ideas: no clubs at school and no public forums either. Eventually I stumbled across an internet message board that allowed me to say what I wanted, on issues such as politics, and provided the contrasting views of others. These conflicting opinions opened up discussion between message board posters and encouraged me to truly analyze my thoughts. These arguments provided a challenge, because to me there is no greater trial than to try to articulate your beliefs to others. However, the site was completely anonymous and allowed only for typing, not speaking. I still yearned for a more public environment in which to communicate my ideas.

This past fall I enrolled in an A.P. United States Government course and it has turned out to be my favorite class of senior year. It is taught by a man who introduces political discussions in the class, and does an excellent job of making you not feel so foolish when you utter an obtuse comment. It was a perfect time to enroll in the class because the 2008 presidential election was right around the corner.

To help the students better understand the issues at hand, our teacher held numerous open debates about matters that came up regularly during the campaign. As a result, I could no longer hide behind a keyboard and a spell check and have unlimited time to analyze my thoughts; I had to synthesize my ideas quickly and create the words to express myself fully. I promptly became acclimated to my new environment and was able to counter points by my classmates without hesitation.

After these experiences, I feel that by establishing my beliefs through a personal process, I am able to better understand myself. My ideas reflect my values as an individual, these values stemming from my mind and my heart, and ultimately culminate from these thoughts and those of others. Although many of my ideas do not stray from mainstream thinking, I am proud to say that they come from within.

Looking to see what people think are my strong/weak points and what grammatical tweaking I can use.

I really like the general gist of this one -- too few people these days can argue both sides of an issue, much less attempt to synthesis points from each. To improve stylistically, I'd eliminate repetition and other verbiage to make your writing more concise. For instance:

"I love to debate myself. Yes, it sounds strange but it is something that I love to do." could easily be rewritten "Though it sounds strange, I love to debate my self." Note that the latter is eight words shorter than the former.

Likewise,

"I like to take a topic, usually one that is talked about in the media, and juxtapose both sides of the issue in my mind." could easily become "I enjoy taking controversial topics, especially those covered in the media, and juxtaposing the arguments from both sides," a savings of seven words.

Anyway, you get the idea. Go through the entire draft and revise with a view to expressing yourself as succinctly as possible, and you will end up with a much stronger essay.

Perhaps for this line you intended to write: Although many of my ideas do stray from mainstream thinking, I am proud to say that they come from within.

Did you mean to write "do" or "do not?"

Thanks a lot for the responses.
For Sean: I went through the essay with a "revisor" of sorts and he really helped me eliminate the repitition of my words. The essay is only 458, so cutting down the amount of words really isnt an issue. I was considering an opening like the one you suggested, but I feel that I come out more open to the reader, and that is the type of person I am. So I think I will keep it the same. The second suggestion I like a lot and I'll mull it over.

Thank you very much for that, though.
As for Kevin,
"Did you mean to write "do" or "do not?"
I meant do not. I dont really have any far-fetched ideas politically. I am just noting to the reader that my process of achieving these ideas is much more unique than other people.

To you both, thank you.

Oh, I understand! Okay, just checking about that...

:)