Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.
I'm trying to get into Cornell for early decision and this is my common application essay. My essay is 400 words including the title and 398 words without it. It is only 4 paragraphs, but is that a problem? I did not want to drag it on but I can think of something if it is best to add one more. Any advice or criticism is appreciated. Thanks!
Holden Caulfield
Holden Caulfield, a fictional character who is the protagonist and antihero from The Catcher in the Rye, has influenced me in a way that he is the antithesis of who I want to be. He is pessimistic: he sees the cup as half empty instead of half full, lazy, and unmotivated. He has all the opportunities in the world to make something of himself, but he throws it all away, becomes drunk, smokes, and has sex with a prostitute. I want to be everything he is not.
Holden is antisocial, apathetic to his future, pessimistic, and a failure. He curses constantly and brings out the worst in people. He cannot see anybody as good, but instead views society and the majority of humanity as phony and evil. Ever since I read The Catcher in the Rye in 9th Grade, I have been aiming to make sure that I would not follow his example; that I would follow and set an example 180° away from his. Since reading the book, I have done my best to become more social, hardworking, optimistic, and I intend to succeed in life. Unlike Holden, I will take advantage of my opportunities and avoid detrimental things like drinking, smoking, and having sex.
Holden deals with problems by drinking them away and being depressed. I think that is a bad habit because his problems are caused by his pessimistic attitude towards life. Optimists have fewer problems to deal with because they see the good in a situation and can deal with the little amount of unavoidable problems that they do have. They can work to change negatives into positives. Holden takes negatives and makes them worse. He believes that the world is "full of perverts and morons" and never thinks of a way to make it better. Thanks to his inability to see the good in the world, his personal world goes downhill throughout the story. I do not want to be like him; I believe there is good in the world and that I can make it a better place by working hard and having a positive outlook.
Life approaches everyone with problems and obstacles. Running away from them and avoiding them like Holden does is not the right path, I intend to face them head on and struggle through them because I believe that doing so would lead me to a happy future.
I think you write far too much about Holden and you don't write enough about yourself. This seems more like an essay about the character of Holden Caulfield, and you don't really give any detailed explanation of the influence and you don't really describe the influence, either. Sure, you say you'll avoid certain things and try to become more optimistic, but those seem like empty words. Do you have any anecdotes? At least go into the influence in detail.
Also, what about Caulfield's feelings towards Phoebe, his sister? The admissions officers probably have read the Catcher in the Rye, and it seems to be a serious hole in your essay. I think you should address it somewhere, as that is key to his character (since you wrote about a 180 degree change. May be different if you only write specific points and don't totally antagonize his character.)
Yeah, I'll have to brush up on the story, I haven't read it since ninth grade, as I mentioned. Okay, the prompt says to describe him and his influence on me so I was trying to split it up half and half. It isn't too short is it? And that's great advice ^.^ I was not specific enough and I did not notice that either. Should I replace the 180 degree part? Thanks!!
Well, I think the admissions officers (as well as myself) would be assuming that you gave it a reread. If you're just basing this on something you've read years ago, maybe you should use a different character.
In regards to the length, it's not too short, but perhaps you can use an extra 100 words. 500 words is a good approximate.
If you're really set on being not like Holden Caulfield, then you should definitely go back to the book and note all of the main traits about him. If not, it's better to note where you would differ and where you would be like him.
Okay, I tried to change the third paragraph with
"I believe that everybody has good in them, nobody can be fully stereotyped into one adjective. Holden is not purely apathetic or pessimistic; he shows affection to Phoebe. In the same way nobody can be completely..."
but that seemed to weaken my essay. I was going to say that I am not completely optimistic either. Here's my newly revised essay:
Holden Caulfield
Holden Caulfield, a fictional character who is the protagonist and antihero from The Catcher in the Rye, has influenced me in a way that he is the antithesis of who I want to be. He is pessimistic: he sees the cup as half empty instead of half full, lazy, and unmotivated. He has all the opportunities in the world to make something of himself, but he throws it all away, becomes drunk, smokes, and has sex with a prostitute. I want to be everything he is not.
Holden is antisocial, apathetic to his future, pessimistic, and a failure. He curses constantly and brings out the worst in people. He cannot see anybody as good, but instead views society and the majority of humanity as phony and evil. Ever since I read The Catcher in the Rye in 9th Grade, I have been aiming to make sure that I would not follow his example; that I would follow and set an example 180° away from his. Since reading the book, I have done my best to become more social, hardworking, optimistic, and I intend to succeed in life. Unlike Holden, I will take advantage of my opportunities and avoid detrimental things like drinking, smoking, and having sex.
Holden deals with problems by drinking them away and being depressed. I think that is a bad habit because his problems are caused by his pessimistic attitude towards life. Optimists have fewer problems to deal with because they see the good in a situation and can deal with the little amount of unavoidable problems that they do have. They can work to change negatives into positives. Holden takes negatives and makes them worse. He believes that the world is "full of perverts and morons" and never thinks of a way to make it better. Thanks to his inability to see the good in the world, his personal world goes downhill throughout the story. I do not want to be like him; I believe there is good in the world and that I can make it a better place by working hard and having a positive outlook.
One time I had a fight with my brother because he was making fun of my friend. We went into a long argument and afterwards I went out for a walk, in comparison to the way Holden leaves Pencey after the altercation with his roommate. However, unlike Holden, who spends the night with a prostitute, I walked around for a few hours listening to my Ipod and came back with lunch for my brother. It was the day before he went back to college and I decided that I should not let him leave on bad terms. We apologized, agreed to look past it, and played videogames. I tried to fix the situation and it worked. Holden would hold a grudge with him and things would not get better. Thinking of what he would have done, I was influenced to do the opposite.
Life approaches everyone with problems and obstacles. Running away from them and avoiding them like Holden does is not the right path, I intend to face them head on and struggle through them because I believe that doing so would lead me to a happy future.
I just added a third paragraph.
But you can't just ignore something that important just because you think it will weaken the essay. You need to mention it and then dismiss it somehow, maybe discrediting his feelings towards Phoebe. Otherwise, it just seems like you didn't add it in because you didn't know how to deal with it and hoped that the admissions officers wouldn't notice (which you are doing). Also, saying outright that Holden is a failure is a bit too absolute -he is reforming in the end, is he not? Of course, I've read it recently, so I suppose I'm being a little too picky, but with famous examples you have to be careful. From your writing, I don't think you've read the book carefully enough to be able to write a good essay on this. How can you be significantly influenced by a character in a book when you glide over several things or get events wrong?
Your point about pessimism isn't exactly true, either (optimists have less problems? And they don't necessarily change negatives into positives. That's far too assumptive.).
An essay usually appears more insightful when it is a well-written essay without complete absolutes ("I want to do everything he is not"), but if that is too difficult then yes, you should stick to your current thesis.
The paragraph does give more insight to how it relates to you, but I'm not really sure the prostitute part works out. For one, Holden doesn't even sleep with the prostitute, and for another, I am very doubtful that you would be able to acquire one in that situation (and in any case, your circumstances are probably a lot more different than yours. Have you seen someone commit suicide before? Have you been kicked out of various schools? You glide over a lot of topics and it makes it seem like you haven't thought this through enough.) I don't think this example is strong enough, either; it doesn't really give enough details to make it interesting. For all I know, it can be made up, since it is so vague.
Again, the essay is supposed to be more about you. You mostly give ideals about what a person should do and what you're trying to do and what you will do, but you don't really say what you have done.
Sorry about the long criticism ^^;
You don't have to apologize, it was very helpful. I really have to work on the rest of my hw now though, I'll edit it another day. Thanks a lot!!
No problem c:
You said" you want to be everything he is not", but there are so many types of people besides Holden Caulfield. Maybe you can focus on one type.
What do you mean types? I meant like the opposite of him.
Holden doesnt end up having sex with her, he just pays her for her time. I think that they would know that too, and if your writing about him, I'd want to be as accurate as possible
Yeah, my teacher checked it and pointed it out very clearly that he doesn't. Thanks thogh!