Common Application essay- Money

When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life; however, I realized later on that I was wrong. What is money? Does it help us satisfy our own basic needs? Or is it a slave master to its own gatherers? Money is a double edged weapon. It is harmless when we use it to serve our basic needs and wants. But when it leads controls a person pushes him towards crimes? Then there is something wrong. Nowadays some people choose money over their family and friends. Some people even violate their moral codes and choose illegal ways to satisfy their wants.

"You shall have no other gods before me." (Exodus 20:3). Jesus who knew the human heart better than anyone in the world made it clear that most rich people tend to make wealth their number one priority in life; consequently, they forget all about the Almighty who created them. According to the bible, they will make money their God on earth that they even might skip church for a business meeting or an outing. For all who are craving for money, sometimes there are barriers and obstacles that they overcome no matter what they are and what happens next. Even Jesus said "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Let us consider what money can't buy. Some people assume that "money buys happiness". I believe they are mistaken. Although money can make life easier for us, it can never buy happiness. Money doesn't make you happy. Arnold Schwarzenegger once said "Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. "Money can't buy love as Marilyn Monroe lived a luxurious life; yet she committed suicide after several romantic failures.

Why do people crave for money? Is it worth wasting your life collecting something that is going to die? Yes money dies; it does the moment you enter your grave. We were not born with a wallet and paychecks aren't we? And we won't take a penny with us when we die. There is a famous story I was told at church about a dumb rich man who spent his life building rooms to store his money; however, he died before spending even a penny.

I'm not against money. I'm just against the fact that people thrive for it. As a teenager , I love money ,everyone loves money but to a certain extent. Too much desire for possession could turn us to a greedy machines hunting for money. One of old house neighbors loved just to have a lot of money bills in his pocket. He said "it makes me feel good". Last week I read in the newspaper "A twenty one years old robbed a jewelry store and killed the owner" and I found his photo below the title.

if you could please provide me with your feedback and let me know what are my weak points ?
Thanks alot

"According to the bible, they will make money their God on earth that they even might skip church for a business meeting or an outing."

This is a fragment. I'm not sure what you are trying to convey.

This essay doesn't tell me much about you. You talked about money and the bible, and gave examples why money and greed is evil, but how does that influence you? How did it change you? The personal statement should tell the reader something about you.

"Some people assume that "money buys happiness". I believe they are mistaken. Although money can make life easier for us, it can never buy happiness. Money doesn't make you happy."

Really? I disagree. I believe not having money will certainly make a person depressed (there are people who suicide who after losing a lot of money). Using this argument, wouldn't having money make them happy? Can people be truly happy if they are in debt and they don't have any income?

"Jesus who knew the human heart better than anyone in the world made it clear that most rich people tend to make wealth their number one priority in life; consequently, they forget all about the Almighty who created them."

Also, I'm not sure if you want to take the bible approach. It is quite opinionated and sounds unscientific. I'm not sure if the admission officers would like that. I guess it would be fine if you are applying to a religion based school.

Good luck!

Linnus is absolutely right! you can tell us one of your experience with money stuff (something like that) which could reveal more about you.
I could have an example for you: you can tell about one time you caught a bunch of money, and you must wondered a lot of times to choose between the money or your honour, between the bad side and good side inside of you...

It's just my suggestion.
good luck!