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Common Application Essay #1/Skating



zeb1234 1 / 1  
Aug 12, 2009   #1
Hi,

I'm working on the Common Application essay #1:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilema you have faced and its impact on you.

and would appreciate any input.

Thanks

Here I go again, preparing to hurl my body though the air. During the approach I hear nothing but blood pumping through my veins; there is a faint ache in my legs; I push through the discomfort, step forward, and breathe deep. Hold the edge and jump; feet tight, arms in, body still, foot down, and pull out strong. Success! I worked two years for this fleeting moment of accomplishment - seven seconds from start to finish - landing a double axel. Predawn practices before school, more practices after school, late night show practices, and competitions across the eastern seaboard. Everyday I spend hours in the cold, no matter how I feel, practicing, perfecting, and performing my passion. I've calculated that over twenty five hundred hours (one hundred fifty thousand minutes or nine million seconds) of my life have been spent on the ice, during which skating has provided me with many opportunities to learn life's lessons as I glide across the ice.

It seems inevitable that jumping from a slippery surface, revolving numerous times in the air, and landing single footed on a blade just 1/4" wide will entail more spills than successes. I've sprained ankles, been black and blue all over, and gone to the hospital with a concussion from landing on my head, rather than my feet. Sure the worry that I can hurt myself is always in the back of my mind, and I might balk at an attempt of a jump every once in a while, but this sport has taught me that whether my fear is as small as peanut , or as large as failure when I'm trying my hardest, I can greet these situations with confidence and self-assurance, chase them down, and get over it.

All the hours spent training ultimately led to competitions, and from my first experience, I was hooked. The beautiful dress, the opportunity to perform a routine that I had spent months refining, and the thrill of winning a medal was an allure that a five year old couldn't resist. Competing became the reason to train and winning seemed to come easily for the first few years. (Daunting music swells) Then came Hillsborough, NC. Sure, I had occasionally fallen during a competition program. However, that day I fell three times during a two and a half minute program, which felt like it lasted two and a half hours. I was mortified. I found inner strength that I didn't think I possessed. I kept getting up, smiling at the judges, and continuing to skate until I reached the end of the program. From that experience I learned that there are two concurrent competitions; one against the other skaters, and the other against myself; I couldn't truly be beaten unless I allowed myself to give up. At that instant I understood how important it was to keep my composure even when things weren't going my way and that when you've been knocked down, you don't stay down. You push yourself to complete your goal, have pride in the job you've done and refuse to allow a low score to batter your confidence.

"Are you going to the Olympics?" is the question I am frequently asked by friends and family since I began to skate. Of course that was my dream as a little girl, but I recognized that I would never quite make it to the top. That epiphany is enough to cause many skaters to quit, but skating has become about more than winning to me. The combination of athletic skill and grace in creating the lines of a flawless spiral, the melding of mind and body to execute a perfect step sequence, and the thrill of landing a new double or triple jump, are what compel me to skate everyday. This winter I will take the Senior Freestyle skating test, the highest level assessment administered by the United States Figure Skating Association. When I pass this test I will be a "double gold" skater and qualified to step on the ice with Olympians like Michelle Kwan and Shizuka Arakawa. I may not be able to out-skate them, but I will be ready to skate with them.

So, here I go again: step forward, breathe deep, hold the edge and jump; feet tight, arms in, body still, foot down, and pull out strong. Sometimes no matter how perfect the jump is in the air, I fall, but of course I get up and try it once again. From skating I learned that with hard work, self-discipline, perseverance, and dedication I could do anything. More importantly, I learned to believe in myself, and my ability to be successful at anything I put my mind to.

Llamapoop123 7 / 433  
Aug 12, 2009   #2
Of course that was my dream as a little girl, but I recognized that I would never quite make it to the top.

Maybe you will. Besides, you're trying to convey that you are not the average skater. Your determination should carry you to the top. What better way to show your determination than persevering to the top?

When I pass this test I will be a "double gold" skater and qualified to step on the ice with Olympians like Michelle Kwan and Shizuka Arakawa.

Michelle Kwan is no longer pursuing a skating career btw.

From skating I learned that with hard work, self-discipline, perseverance, and dedication I could do anything.

Anything?

This essay is good. It answers the topic at hand very well but I can't help but feel that your lesson is nothing special. Your essay flows well and kept me reading until the very end.

Good job.
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Aug 12, 2009   #3
What better way to show your determination than persevering to the top?

No, if in fact you don't skate at Olympic caliber, it's better to acknowledge this as you do. That shows maturity as well as the realization that, hard work and perseverance notwithstanding, athletic achievement at the top level depends on in-born characteristics one cannot control -- muscle length, synapse speed, skeleton shape, center of gravity, etc.

Anyway, this is an excellent essay: Lively, engaging, well-written, and to the point of the prompt.
Liebe 1 / 524  
Aug 12, 2009   #4
Here I go again, preparing to hurl my body though the air. During the approach I hear nothing but blood pumping through my veins; there is a faint ache in my legs; I push through the discomfort, step forward, and breathe deep. Hold the edge and jump; feet tight, arms in, body still, foot down, and pull out strong. Success! I worked two years for this fleeting moment of accomplishment - seven seconds from start to finish - landing a double axel. Predawn practices before school, more practices after school, late night show practices, and competitions across the eastern seaboard.

^All of that should be in past tense.

All the hours spent training ultimately led to competitions, and from my first experience, I was hooked. The beautiful dress, the opportunity to perform a routine that I had spent months refining, and the thrill of winning a medal was an allure that a five year old couldn't resist. Competing became the reason to train and winning seemed to come easily for the first few years.(Daunting music swells)

^Hmm, dramatic effect ay?

Then came Hillsborough, NC. Sure, I had occasionally fallen during a competition program. However, that day I fell three times during a two and a half minute program, which felt like itas if it had for lasted two and a half hours.I was mortified. I found inner strength that I didn't think I possessed.

^Mortified. Then suddenly inner strength? The transition between these two opposite qualities is very sudden, and very ineffectively expressed.

I kept getting up, smiling at the judges, and continuingcontinued to skate until I reached the end of the program. From that experience I learned that there are two concurrent competitions; one against the other skaters, and the other against myself; I couldn't truly be beaten unless I allowed myself to give up. At that instant I understood how important it was to keep my composure even when things weren't going my way and that when you've been knocked down, you don't stay down. You push yourself to complete your goal, have pride in the job you've done and refuse to allow a low score to batter your confidence.

^Not really a big fan of the sudden shift in pronoun from 'I' to 'you.

"Are you going to the Olympics?...
So, here I go again: step forward, breathe deep, hold the edge and jump; feet tight, arms in, body still, foot down, and pull out strong. Sometimes no matter how perfect the jump is in the air, I fall, but of course I get up and try it once again. From skating I learned that with hard work, self-discipline, perseverance, and dedication I could do anything. More importantly, I learned to believe in myself, and my ability to be successful at anything I put my mind to.

*That paragraph I scratched and highlighted in red....Some parts of it is beautifully written. However, I do not see how it is relevant to your significant experience, or what you have learnt from your significant experience (You do not tie it in at all)

*In reference to your conclusion, did you learn that from you life of skating, or from that one experience in which you had fallen in front of the judges repeatedly?
tal105 7 / 128  
Aug 13, 2009   #5
Michelle Kwan is no longer pursuing a skating career btw.

^^ i think she mentioned her b.c. everyone knows michelle lol (or almost everyone)

she can say kristina yamagucci! (yea i butchered the last name. i know ) lol
:D
OP zeb1234 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2009   #6
Thanks for the input.

I realize that the essay needs a title.

Any thoughts on this:

"Landing Just Isn't As Easy As It Looks"


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