CommonApp Activities Essay - Humanitarian Group

Constant fear of being abducted to become child soldiers by the rebel army, of massacre and genocide, have left the children of northern Uganda without future or hope. Neglected, because of publicity focused toward the north, in the Sudan, and toward the Iraq War, they are not receiving the help they need. Hearing their story, in 2008, I helped found a school chapter of Invisible Children, a non-profit organization geared toward improving the situation in northern Uganda. Through the organization, matched with the Atanga Secondary School, my chapter spread awareness of the children and their story. We fundraised to support their education by sending money to buy computers and desks, and by sending books we gathered from our community. We took action, to give these invisible children hope and a future that they deserved.

I think that this essay could be a lot more personalized. The topic can be interesting, but you have to make it so. There are tons of students who write about founding a club to help somebody or other, so if you want to make the essay less cliched, talk about the impact on you.

I agree. I think you should expand more on what it meant to you, what you learned and/or how you grew from the experience. That's what colleges love to see!

And if you need more room to expand, I suggest deleting the second sentence: Neglected, because of publicity focused toward the north, in the Sudan, and toward the Iraq War, they are not receiving the help they need.

Can you read my rice essay please?

How can I make it more personal though?

well it might help to talk about why this issue was so important to you. Why would you care about children in a completely different country? And what have you learned from this experience?

please read mine: