CommonAPP short answer - I won the medal in Super Quiz Relay

I fidgeted anxiously as the announcer read the question, but before he finished I couldn't help but smile. I knew the answer. Exhilarated, I heard my teammates cheering in the crowd. I answered correctly. I won the medal in Super Quiz Relay for my Academic Decathlon team.

My friends ask me why I am in Academic Decathlon. Why would I voluntarily take on more work? Why would I dedicate an entire Saturday to tests?

What initially attracted me was the challenge: ten subjects, six tests, speech, and SuperQuiz in one day. Immediately intrigued, I had no way of knowing the long days of testing and longer nights of studying I had in store.

Despite the workload, I love how AcaDec allows me to study one subject in depth. I love the vast knowledge that I cannot get from regular classes. Most of all, I love the camaraderie. Although we are different, we are all joined by our passion for learning. When I started out, I looked up to the seniors. Now, as a senior on the A team, mentoring the freshmen, with hope that their AcaDec experience is as incredible as mine, is my most rewarding responsibility.

I love your hook in the beginning of this response! Just to be a little more succinct though in the 2nd paragraph where you say, My friends ask me why I am in Academic Decathlon. Why would I voluntarily take on more work? Why would I dedicate an entire Saturday to tests? You could instead say " My friends asked me " Why would you voluntarily take on my work? Why would you dedicate your weekends to tests?" or something like that. It is just a suggestion though.

I hope that helps!
-Trisha
PS: Also if you have any time I would appreciate any feedback for my NYU Supplement response :

essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-2/nyu-supplement-bring-person-s pecial-place-18233/

Consider the following revision to your first paragraph. I can't quite figure it out but there something about the original that seems off. probably the mechanics or something.

I fidgeted anxiously as the announcer read the question. He was barely halfway through when I began to smile; I knew the answer. My correct response elicited animated cheering from my teammates in the crowd. I had just won the Super Quiz Relay medal for my Academic Decathlon team.


I like that!!

Overall i think it is an Ok essay. It has the potential to be very good though. Just refine it a bit.

Put this all together as one paragraph:
My friends ask me why I am in Academic Decathlon. Why would I voluntarily take on more work? Why would I dedicate an entire Saturday to tests? What initially attracted me ...

Think about what profession you want to have after you get your degree. What skills does that profession require? What skills and insights are provided by the academic dec.? Any connections between the two?

:-)

This is excellent. The way you wrote it shows introspection and seriousness without a lot of melodrama. I like it!