hi, this is my short answer
To me, basketball is an escape from my daily hectic routine. I always enter the court, leaving all my worries outside. I can be reminded of a term assignment due next week when I am playing guitar or watching movie. But I cannot be bothered when I'm laying up and shooting. Basketball is quick: It gives me no time to think. Basketball is simple: there is only one target -the net. And basketball is free: no paragraph structure, no step-by-step explanation; I can do whatever I want. When I play, I'm fully immersed in only one thought: I must win. I can see nothing but my teammates, the ball and narrow spaces. I can feel nothing except for the vigor of other players' motions. The Earth seems to stop rotating everytime I stand on the court. I take a deep breath and enjoy refreshing moments.
what do you guys think?
"daily hectic routine."
I'd change it to "hectic daily routine"
"leaving all my worries outside"
I'd change it to "leaving all my worries behind"
Combine your third and fourth sentence, and consider revising the fourth when you combine them. Laying up and shooting doesn't sound right it doesn't flow.
"It gives me no time to think."
I'd change it to "There's not time to think"
"I can see" and "I can feel"
Consider taking out the cans, this is only my personal preference, whichever you like better.
Your last sentence is weak. Revise it. Maybe go back to the idea of escaping.
yea I know know that
'leave all my worries outside' sounds a bit weird
but i think 'leave behind' should only be used when one is leaving somewhere for somewhere
here i'm not leaving anywhere, i just enter the court, i leave eveything outside...
i dont know whether it's correct or not
The essay is pretty good but leaves me with only one impression i.e. you are an escapist, you like basketball because it allows your mind to turn off. Nothing about teamwork, enjoyment of physical movement, skill? Is this what you wanted to convey?
That's why the last sentence is out of context (i.e. refreshing moments?? - when did you ever want to be refreshed?) Perhaps you meant recharged? invigorated? energized?
"I can see nothing except for my teammates"
is it considered teamwork ? =D
thanks a lot.. anymore comment?
No - seeing just your teammates does not count as teamwork. Before making any further comments, please note that u haven't addressed any of the other points I mentioned, especially your last 2 sentences which are out of context.
