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CommonApp Essay: "I am.... born in India"



ashwin17 5 / 10  
Dec 25, 2008   #1
Who am I? There is no easy way to respond to this question. It cannot simply be answered with a description of my personality or a list of my accomplishments. A person is much more than that. "I" am the result of all the experiences I have undertaken in life and of all the lessons I have learned from these experiences.

Born in south India in 1992, I began my life in a poor, pre-industrial society. As a little child, I simply spent my time doing anything I found to be fun. I would go up the stairs leading to the roof, jump over the wall to the next-door building, and run all the way back just to do it again. At theaters, I would attune to the crowd's excitement in screaming and whistling when the hero and heroine made their appearance. During the festival of Diwali, I would happily run around with other kids and play with the firecrackers that lined the streets. I learned to love even all these little things in life, and the town of Chennai gradually became my one and only home.

Twelve years ago, my dad got a job in Dubai and my family relocated to the United Arab Emirates. At first, my mind was shrouded with uncertainty. Why did we have to move? Why should I have to leave the place I loved? As I stepped out of the airport in Dubai, I felt as if I was entering a whole new world. The people here were of a different religion, and were all speaking an unknown language. After gaining a basic understanding of English and Arabic through private lessons, I joined Saint Mary's Elementary School and began to gradually adapt to the community. I eventually learned to grasp the cultural differences, and life in Dubai became a norm for me. However, just as I had begun to find my place in society, another life-changing event occurred.

When I was eight years old, my dad's new job in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania brought my family to the United States. Once again, I was enraged at the notion of being forced into another world! I had just finally adapted to the customs of Dubai, and now I had to throw all that away and start over again? I expected this transition to be as tedious and as drawn out as the previous one. However, I was completely wrong. The nation seemed to welcome me with open arms, and I soon fell in love with the country's incorporation of diversity. As my family continued moving between numerous cities across Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and North Carolina, I explored the many different activities and opportunities available here in this country. In Burlington, I discovered my love for tennis as I played for the Rahanis Park Tennis Team and helped them reach the Regional Championships. In Chelmsford High School, I learned the importance of teamwork as I worked with the Asian Culture Committee in hosting a video game tournament, badminton tournament, and a talent show to raise money for orphanages. Then here in Cary, I gained leadership qualities from organizing Key Club projects and leading volunteers through various events.

All of my life experiences have helped make me the person I am today. Adapting to different societies has enabled me to grasp these cultural differences, and improved my ability to work with others. Now, once again, who am I? I am the little child who wholeheartedly resisted leaving his home country of India. I am also the high school student who has fallen in love with American values. I am [my name].

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 26, 2008   #2
Here is a way to avoid using "with" two times in the same sentence:

During the festival of Diwali, I would happily run around among other kids and play with the firecrackers that lined the streets. I learned to love even all these little things in life, and the town of Chennai gradually became my one and only home.

...but that is no big deal...

Then Here in Cary, I gained leadership qualities by organizing Key Club projects and leading volunteers through various events.

You are a great writer, and after the interesting way you grew up you must have a totally unique contribution to make. Good luck in all your work!!
OP ashwin17 5 / 10  
Dec 26, 2008   #3
I wasn't sure if colleges would like an essay describing various experiences instead of simply expanding on one single event. But living through these various situations was the only factor I could think of that would make me "unique" from other applicants.

Anyway, thank you very much for your input. I really appreciate your help.


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