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Commonapp Elephant Foot Disease



JackSparrow 2 / 8  
Dec 18, 2011   #1
Hello, someone help me edit this please? Thank you! Maximum 1000 characters.. that's like how many words again?
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

It was another day of doing rounds with the doctors at Beth Israel Hospital. In room 4B, a middle aged lady, prostrated in bed, smiled when she saw us. I stifled a gasp when I saw her leg. It was the size of an elephant's; her toes were deformed and almost non-existent because the rest of her enlarged leg engulfed it. She was infected with Elephant Foot disease. The doctor told her that her condition was very serious and her left leg needs to be amputated immediately or else the disease will spread. Apprehension and sadness was written all over her face. Her smile became a quivering frown, as she looked down with her watery eyes.

My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I couldn't stop thinking of how many people suffer from diseases and sicknesses in the world. Some are fortunate to get help and support, while the less fortunate ones are left alone without a cure. By shadowing doctors and helping patients, I learned more about each patient's needs and conditions, which enabled me to find ways to give them better care. I not only want to help people in need, but also let them know that there will always be someone by their side.

I took her hand and smiled. "You'll have less of a burden without your infected leg. Don't worry, everything will be okay." With the encouragement, she gave a wary smile and agreed to the surgery.

Xavier19 4 / 7  
Dec 18, 2011   #2
It was another day of doing rounds with the doctors at Beth Israel Hospital. In room 4B, a middle aged lady, prostrated in bed, smiled whenas she saw us...Just my opinion

Doctor told her that her condition was very serious and her left leg needsneeded to be amputated immediately or elselest the diseasewill spread.

By shadowing doctors and helping patients, I learned more about each patient's needs and conditions, which enabled me to find ways to give them better care.The more I have shadowed doctors and helped patients, the more I have learned, enabling me to find an infinite amount of ways to better care for them. I not only want to help people in need, but also let them know that there will always be someone there, by their side when things get tough.

Just my two cents... Hope it helps! :P
OP JackSparrow 2 / 8  
Dec 18, 2011   #3
Thank you for your input :)

Can anyone tell me how I can shorten this by 50-75 words?


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